RP: Logan Hawke (NSFW down below)

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Not real. Having a nervous breakdown. And that's fine. It'll be completely fine." Anders felt like he weighed an extra thirty pounds, which wasn't far wrong with how much pond water his clothes had absorbed. He shivered as he approached the looming archway slowly, eyes wide.

The stone felt so real, the grit of mortar flaking under his fingernail, and he trailed his hand along it as he climbed a set of stairs up onto what were... walls. Battlements? The crenelations were the... castle-shaped things at the top?

He'd been playing fantasy games for years and he had no bloody idea.

It was colder as the wind whistled over him, and he huddled, arms going around himself. "Maker save me, I'm going to freeze to death in a hallucination." He kept walking, trying to chafe warmth back into his skin.

The tingling was uncomfortable, like pins and needles, but hot, and trying to get out, which wasn't exactly how he'd ever heard hypothermia described before, so that was a relief. He had to stop and lean against the wall as a violent shudder overtook him.

All of a sudden he was hot, far too hot and he held his hands away from his face, watching his clothes send curls of steam into the air. "Well, fantastic. My fucking fingers are on fire." He just stared in fascination at the licks of yellow-orange flames that limned his hands.

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[modernhawke]

Logan stared down at Anders' hand as he touched him, watching him squeeze his arm and then pull away, and when Anders' hand was gone, Logan reached and touched the skin he'd just touched greedily, wonderingly. He hugged his arms to himself to cover the motion. Anders had been worried about him being cold. He could just play it off as that. Yeah.

"I - it wasn't about the bi thing," he mumbled, vaguely, watching the flames, and then changed the subject.

"My mom's not that bad. It's just, after Dad died, she couldn't stay on the farm anymore, not without him, so when Carver and Bethany graduated, she and Carver moved in with me. And they're still...living with me." He glanced at Anders. "I don't mind, really; I can look after her better this way, and Beth has someplace to come when she's on break where we all are, but she keeps trying to - to hook me up with girls as a thank-you, or...something? And I just, I don't really want to have to come out while she's still living with me, because it's going to be awkward and messy and she's going to cry about the no grandbabies from me and it's just...it'll be better when she's settled enough to be back on her own, and I've got some distance, and...yeah."

"I mean, it's not like three, four years ago when I was working with all those super straight farmhands - that wouldn't have been safe, like you said. So Varric thinks I'm just putting it off, now. And maybe he's right, I don't know."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders could be a terrible, self-centered shit. He knew that, had a way of blustering over people when he thought he knew best. But part of the reason for that was he honestly wanted the best for people, and seeing Hawke struggle with this, it made his heart hurt.

"You're lonely."

It seemed kind of impossible that Hawke, generous, affable, funny, kind, with his family, his and Varric's company, how drop-dead gorgeous he was, that he could be lonely. Not like Anders, shut up in his apartment, darting from class to class, refusing to date because of the man sitting next to him. It made sense for him, because he usually couldn't speak to regular people without getting in a fight.

But Logan? He swallowed hard. If he could be the one to... but that wasn't going to happen. Besides, they were sitting here talking about Logan's family situation when they were... fucked. Completely fucked in a nightmare castle, with magic, and where there was magic there was probably monsters.

[modernhawke]

Logan went very still, darting a glance at Anders. He wet his lips.

"Is it that obvious?" he said, with a splintered sort of laugh that tried to brush off his loneliness as really not that big of a deal, and failed.

"It's - it's okay. Really. I'm either demiromantic or greyromantic, I haven't decided, but I don't fall for people very easily, or often, you know, and so it's, it's fine. I mean, the only guy I've wanted at all in four years is - he's not interested, which is fine, I just, I need to get over it. I'm just really shitty at that."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders stared at Logan like he was suddenly speaking French. "That-- that doesn't make any sense. He would have to be literally the stupidest person in the entire world to not want to be with you." It stung to know there was someone that Hawke wanted, but he kind of wanted to punch that guy in the face for making him look so sad.

[modernhawke]

Okay. So whatever Logan had expected Anders to say to the awkward half-revelation of his feelings, it hadn't been that. His brow furrowed slightly. Anders sounded jealous, but that couldn't be right, not after all his hedging about the kissing comment earlier, and, well, everything else. Maybe he was pulling that usual good-friend stance, the one where you assure them that anyone should want them even if you personally don't, because you like them as a person and think they deserve nice things.

Anders thinking he deserved good things was a very pleasant thought, entirely too pleasant really. Logan was beginning to feel a sort of emotional whiplash, and decided it would be better to heap more fuel on his 'get over it already' fire.

"Why, are you jealous?" he asked, grinning slightly, bracing himself for the answer to be no.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The answer is yes. Yes, especially when Logan gives him that grin, teasing him. The sharp sting becomes larger and Anders' smile is tight and irritated when he pulls a face at Logan. "Not as if it would matter to anyone if I was."

He turned his shirt over where it was spread out in front of the fire. The thin fabric was drying quickly, and then he'd be able to get out of the sweatshirt, away the maddening scent that was going to haunt his dreams for the rest of his bloody life.

"Good job that'd be, right? You're grey-aro, hung up on some idiot, while I'm mooning after you? Worst love triangle ever. I'd be a stalker." Fuck. He was a stalker. He closed his eyes, cheeks flooding with fitufl color, mouth stretching in a pained grimace.

[modernhawke]

Logan was trying really, really hard to not let any of these statements get his hopes up, because if he let that happen and it still turned out Anders wasn't interested, that would hurt worse, and Logan wasn't sure how much more he could actually take.

But unless he was completely reading the situation wrong (and how logical was he when it came to Anders, really, so that was not only possible but probable), Anders definitely seemed jealous. Upset. Unhappy.

Logan reached out and laid a hand over Anders' arm tentatively, squashing the warm half-hope in his chest violently.

"It wouldn't be a triangle," he said, voice soft.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The hand on his arm startled Anders, and he looked over at Logan with raised eyebrows. Now there was the vaguest possibility that Hawke was suggesting some kind of triad, where Anders was the no-romo leg in a very strangely wobbly stool. And if he was anyone else having this conversation, he might buy it.

But this was Logan, sweet, and protective, and seemed to have not one functioning casual bone in his amazing body, who Anders had confessed wanting to kiss, and then... oh he was an idiot. He put a hand over his eyes and groaned aloud. "I said I wanted to kiss you. And you weren't aghast at all. You were surprised, weren't you?"

[modernhawke]

Logan kept his hand where it was, his brow furrowing. Aghast? Had Anders thought he was aghast? He had nearly fallen on his face with surprise. He had thought it was pretty obvious.

"Should...I not have been?" he tried.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"You should probably be aghast. I'm a real nightmare of a kisser. Greedy, just want to do it for hours once I get started. It's horrifying, really." Anders was babbling. He was doing that thing where his mouth was taking over for the fact that his brain had completely lost the reins. Because he was thinking about kissing Logan. For hours at a time.

[modernhawke]

Logan rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand, glancing at Anders' mouth and then back up. He swallowed.

"I don't see the problem here," he said, and his voice was steady, even a bit cheeky, but his eyes on Anders' face were wide, because he was pretty sure Anders was talking about wanting to kiss him, for hours, and he was a little terrified he was going to wake up any second now.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Logan." Anders said his name breathlessly, looking at his mouth then up at his amazing blue eyes. "If this turns out to be a dream I'm going to murder my own brain." He smiled with a little shake of his head, eyes glinting. "With a leftover pair of chopsticks from that takeout you insisted I order last Friday."

All that mothering he did... was that because he felt like Anders did? But he did that to everyone, didn't he?

[modernhawke]

Logan leaned forward, his hand trailing up over Anders' arm in his hoodie to brush the backs of the first knuckles on his hand against Anders' jaw, the touch still tentative, wondering, not quite sure he was allowed.

He looked distressed by the very idea.

"Please don't. I rather like your brain."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Yeah?" Anders turned his face ever-so-slightly into Logan's hand. He wanted to do more. He wanted to climb into his lap and kiss him until he fainted from lack of air. He really wanted this to be real and not a complete nervous breakdown, dream, or some other hallucinatory type experience.

"It's super sexy, isn't it? All kinds of sulci and gyri." Oh good, he was still doing that. He really needed to stop with the word-vomit. "Normally I get complimented on my hair, but you went straight for the brain. Clever." Or he could keep on with it. "I'm really nervous and it's making me blurt. I'm a blurter. You knew that right? Please tell me you knew that."

[modernhawke]

Logan's lips curved, his smile warm and soft, and he was probably looking at Anders' with the mushiest bedroom eyes ever because he was a dork, but he couldn't help it, he literally could not stop himself.

"I'm going to pretend I know what those words mean," he said, encouraged enough to trace his fingers higher and brush them through the hair over Anders' ear. "I like your hair too."

He tilted his head and regarded Anders without stopping the motion of his fingers through Anders' hair. "I knew that," he agreed, amused.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"They're the folds and valleys in the cerebral cortex of the human brain, which isn't something you care the least bit about." Anders' eyes fluttered shut as Logan's fingers combed into his hair, and the opened again a moment later. "So on a scale of velociraptor attack to Tinkerbell kidnaps you to save Neverland, where would you put what's happening now on the scale of unexpected?" A scale that was also made up of impossible things.

This still didn't seem real.

Anders lifted his hand reached over to trace the lettering on Logan's shirt, thinking of his matching one. If lost, well this sort of counted? And here he was, returned safely (relatively) to Hawke.

[modernhawke]

"Uh...Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent finally admit they have the hots for each other and make out?" That was about the level of incredulity Logan was at right now.

...Except that sounded like he was comparing the two of them to Superman and Batman, and he wasn't entirely sure that sent the right message. He cleared his throat. "Not that - we're - quite that cool, but...you know what I mean." He looked down, feeling his face go hot.

He went very still when Anders reached out to touch his shirt, breathing shallowly so as to not disturb him. This was driving him mad, the need to touch, the way Anders hand was right there on his chest and his face had such a contemplative look, one that Logan didn't quite understand, but wanted to, very badly.

He trembled slightly and sat on his free hand to prevent himself from bodily hauling Anders into his lap.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Well, you might be Clark Kentish, but I'm no Bruce Wayne." That honestly was meant as a compliment and Anders wrinkled his nose at how it sounded. His smile was a little sly as he shifted his focus back up to Logan's face. "You think I'm hot." There was a little lilt, a little tease in that, but not much question.

His hand flattened on Logan's chest, over his heart, long clever fingers splayed out, palm warm and flush against his shirt. Not pushing, just pressing. Maker, he was muscular, thick and strong, and Anders had to resist the impulse to pet him. It was really, really hard.

[modernhawke]

"I do - have the glasses, at least." Logan glanced down at his chest where he'd rehooked them into his shirt after taking off his hoodie to hand to Anders.

"I-" he started, and his breath hitched when Anders pressed his whole hand to Logan's chest. "God, yes," he groaned in frustration. "I thought you were hot before I even knew what you looked like, Anders, and now--" He yanked his hand out from under his leg and ran his fingers through his curls abruptly, inhaling shakily. It was painfully obvious how attracted to him Logan really was, from the way his eyes kept darting over Anders' face and lips and the fact that Logan was practically twitching to keep from touching him. Also incredibly embarrassing, but Logan couldn't stop. Anders had to know... "You are quite possibly the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need you to stop me before I do something drastic here like...kiss you for hours."

His lips quirked, but judging by his tone, he was perfectly serious.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"You're relying on my executive function to keep us from drastic behavior?" Anders slid his hand up to Hawke's broad shoulder and then cupped the side of his neck, brushed his thumb along the edge of his jaw. "I was dumped in a freezing pond and then set myself on fire."

He wet his lips as Logan's eyes darted to them, and smiled crookedly. "Which is to say, I don't think I want to stop you from doing something drastic."

[modernhawke]

Logan drew in a breath, curving his head towards Anders hand where it lingered on his neck and jaw. His skin felt like it was on fire where Anders was touching him, and he most definitely did not want him to ever stop.

"Now you tell me," he huffed, reaching to hook his fingers in the front of his hoodie and tug Anders towards him. He cupped his cheek and leaned forward and pressed his lips to Anders', tentative, just the barest hint of pressure really, before he moved back a fraction and waited for Anders to pull away. And he would, wouldn't he? Logan was definitely dreaming or making this shit up. He held his breath.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders went willingly when Logan pulled him forward, eyelashes dipping, but eyes staying on him as he came closer to kiss. He got a little crease between his brows at the tiny press, eyes shifting rapidly over Logan's face.

Had he changed his mind? Anders felt like he was going to go mad, hovering there, and with a surge, he clasped both his hands to Hawke's head, and kisses him hard, lips parted, mouth warm and wet, practically pleading. A gentle lap of his tongue on Logan's lower lip, another along the seam, and then he drew back, cheeks flushed bright.

Too much? Please all the gods in all the world, please let him not have come on too strong.

[modernhawke]

Logan gasped, the remaining air from the breath he still hadn't let out escaping his lungs all at once as Anders kissed him, and he leaned in greedily, lips parted, pressing, lingering, hungry, and this time when Anders drew back Logan let out a needy mewl of protest. He fisted his hand in the front of the hoodie and tugged him back, hard, leaning forward to kiss him again, and again. They were brief, at first, sloppy, because it had been years since Logan had kissed anyone. He was sure he seemed out of practice, inept even, but he couldn't bring himself to stop or care, because it was Anders, and he had wanted to kiss him for so damn long.

His other hand reached around Anders' waist and spread against the small of his back, encouraging him closer, and then Logan tilted his head just slightly and oh, that was it, the slide of their lips together smooth and right and sure and Logan parted his mouth to touch the tip of his tongue to the center of Anders' upper lip.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders didn't care how messy it was, it was perfect. Logan was perfect.

The moment it turned good though, when Logan's hand nudged him closer, and their mouths found the rhythm, and he felt the tender touch of that tongue, Anders let out a shaky moan. It was loud enough he startled himself, eyes widening, blush deepening, but he wasn't going to stop for a little thing like embarrassment, not now.

He parted his lips, flicked his tongue across the tip of Logan's, and slid his hand around to the back of his head to urge him on. His other hand found Logan's stomach, pressing his hand against the hard muscle there the same way he had to his chest.

[modernhawke]

Logan was on fire, heat blossoming at every point on his body where Anders touched him; it spread across his skin, settled in the pit of his stomach and lower still. And that moan, god, he was undone. It was everything, it was Anders in his arms, touching him, kissing him, wanting him back, and Logan wanted more, wanted to lose himself in Anders' mouth and never be found.

He gripped him tighter, pulling Anders flush to his chest, and their noses brushed as Logan parted his lips further and slipped his tongue in Anders' mouth, sliding greedily into the damp warmth and tangling with Anders' tongue.