RP: Logan Hawke (NSFW down below)

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Not real. Having a nervous breakdown. And that's fine. It'll be completely fine." Anders felt like he weighed an extra thirty pounds, which wasn't far wrong with how much pond water his clothes had absorbed. He shivered as he approached the looming archway slowly, eyes wide.

The stone felt so real, the grit of mortar flaking under his fingernail, and he trailed his hand along it as he climbed a set of stairs up onto what were... walls. Battlements? The crenelations were the... castle-shaped things at the top?

He'd been playing fantasy games for years and he had no bloody idea.

It was colder as the wind whistled over him, and he huddled, arms going around himself. "Maker save me, I'm going to freeze to death in a hallucination." He kept walking, trying to chafe warmth back into his skin.

The tingling was uncomfortable, like pins and needles, but hot, and trying to get out, which wasn't exactly how he'd ever heard hypothermia described before, so that was a relief. He had to stop and lean against the wall as a violent shudder overtook him.

All of a sudden he was hot, far too hot and he held his hands away from his face, watching his clothes send curls of steam into the air. "Well, fantastic. My fucking fingers are on fire." He just stared in fascination at the licks of yellow-orange flames that limned his hands.

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[modernhawke]

Logan rocked back slightly as Anders tumbled into him, letting out a grunt, but his strong arms came up to wrap around Anders in return firmly. He wanted to believe him, did believe him really, but it didn't make anything totally better, didn't erase the voice inside his head telling him Anders deserved so much more than Logan was capable of giving him.

"You're shaking," he whispered, hugging Anders tighter.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"I just want you to know that whatever you need, Logan, I'm... I'm here for you." Anders was trying not to cry, whispering as well to hide the wavering in his voice. "If it's too much, if I-- my past makes you too angry--" He had to breathe for a minute before he could continue. "I understand."

He hugged Logan tighter, kissed the side of his head, and then drew back slightly. "You wouldn't be the first person in my life to decide it was more than they wanted to take on." His eyes were fixed in the middle of Logan's chest, staring at a freckle he hadn't even got to kiss. He chanced a glance up at his eyes. "And you have to do what's right for you."

[modernhawke]

"Anders..." Logan's voice cracked. "I don't - I don't care about your past, it doesn't scare me or make me want you any less, or - whatever." He pressed the heel of one hand to his eye. "Ugh. I don't - I don't know. I just, I shouldn't - there's so much about me that you deserve better than, but what I want?"

He let go of Anders' waist to frame his face gently with both hands, and said, "The only thing I've wanted for a long time is you."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders brows were drawn together in confusion for a moment as Logan spoke. He opened his mouth to protest about what he deserved but Logan's hands gently coming to both sides of his face made him falter, and flush as he listened further.

"Then you let me worry about what I deserve. Because I want you." He ran his tongue over his lower lip and then smiled, lopsided. "I'll stop assuming you're going to break up with me because I'm a pain in the ass. You can trust that I see your worth even if you worry it isn't there, okay?"

[modernhawke]

Logan dragged in a deep, shuddering breath and closed his eyes for a moment. This was what he had wanted; it was actually infinitely more than he had ever dreamed it could be, with Anders talking about his worth and being with him even though he was still hiding, from his mother, from his anger, from himself. He would be damned if he was going to let it slip through his fingers right as soon as he'd gotten it, just because he was afraid.

"Okay," he whispered. He opened his eyes and offered Anders a small, tentative smile. "Okay, love."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders answering smile when Logan opened his eyes was warm and hopeful, and it bloomed brighter eyes gleaming, when Hawke agreed. He leaned forward to kiss Logan's forehead and then his nose. "Thank you." He rested their foreheads together for a moment, eyes closing.

He was practically melting with relief, trying not to show how scared he'd been that Logan was going to break up with him because he was a pain in the ass.

[modernhawke]

Logan hummed, felt his heart full to bursting again with how happy Anders looked when he opened his eyes.

He smoothed his hands down over Anders' back, wrinkling the shirt he'd put back on a ridiculous amount, probably, and then finally let himself feel all the fear of losing Anders' he'd been shoving down while convincing himself he should lose him. He dragged Anders tight to his chest and wrapped him in his arms.

"Like I'm selfless enough to let you go so easily now I have you," he said, and the self condemnation in his voice was teasing now, lighter.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders laughed softly as Logan pulled him closer, hugged him tighter, his own arms circling his neck again. He snorted when Logan poked at himself and shook his head. "Selfishest man I ever knew, you."

He smirked and started undoing the buttons on the front of the shirt. "I'm taking this back off, because it's still not all the way dry, and I really didn't get enough snuggling in before things went all dark." And because he trusted Logan not to go running, screaming into the... night? Whatever it was outside.

He wriggled out of the sleeves and tossed it off the bed.

[modernhawke]

Logan gave a huff of laughter and shook his head slightly. He loosened his grip on Anders when he started to unbutton the shirt again, but only just.

"Good," he said, and then blushed, cheeks going just a touch darker. He flopped back against the pillows as Anders dropped the shirt aside, and then tugged at Anders' hand.

There was...a wariness to his expression that hadn't been there before, but he was still looking at Anders like the entire earth revolved sound him, eyes warm and yes, needy.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders was not shy when Logan tugged at him, sliding up against him until he was lying stretched to full length half on top of him. He had one knee on the bed next to Logan's thigh and a forearm on the pilow, but other than that he sprawled out, nuzzling into Logan's neck.

"Okay?" he asked, a soft breath against Logan's earlobe. His arm wrapped around the broad chest under him and squeezed gently.

[modernhawke]

Logan curled one arm under Anders' side, let his hands roam over Anders' back and shoulders and sides like he wanted to reassure himself that Anders was still there - which wasn't too far off, really. Finally he covered the arm Anders had wrapped around him with his free arm and sighed, "Yes."

He was silent for a while, hand stroking Anders' arm and wrist, and then he wiggled around and twitched the blankets up, settling them mostly over Anders. He kissed his forehead.

"I'm sorry, love."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders helped scoop the blankets up over him, making sure that Logan was covered as well. He hummed softly when Logan kissed his forehead that turned into a questioning grunt at the apology. His arms tightened briefly and then he tipped his head up to look at Logan with a quirked eyebrow. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Logan." He pressed a kiss to his collarbone, another to the side of his neck. "It's going to be all right."

Anders wasn't used to being an optimist, but for Logan he would do a lot of stuff he normally wasn't stellar at, and he'd do it well if it meant making him happy.

[modernhawke]

Logan snorted softly because yes, he was pretty sure that he did after ruining their postcoital glow with talk about asshole fathers and unworthiness and shit. He tried to push the feelings of guilt away and focus on Anders, here, in his arms, apparently still wanting to be with him despite how much of a fuck-up he was, and it was odd but it was hard not to relax again, even if slowly, as Anders kissed his neck.

He reached to tip Anders' chin up and kissed him gently, murmured, "It's funny how when you say that I actually believe you."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Well, I'm very smart." Anders grinned as he kissed Logan back. "You should believe me. Like when I say you're an amazing person. Or that you should definitely not wear shirts, like, ever." He kissed him again, this time sweeter, slower.

When he drew back his smile was soft, eyes full of wonder and warmth. "Ilove you."

[modernhawke]

Logan rubbed along Anders' shoulders and nuzzled their noses together. "I know you're smart, darlin'." He closed his eyes when Anders kissed him again, lips tender and gentle against his.

"Ever, huh?" He opened his eyes with a smirk. "I think you're confusing me for Varric, with his tendency to leave like four buttons undone. For you, though, I think I can arrange to wear fewer shirts, at the very least." He kissed Anders' forehead.

"I love you more, probably," he said, blue eyes bright with teasing, his tone half-serious.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"If that's true, I'm kind of obscenely lucky." Anders gave Logan another deep kiss. "As for Varric, maybe don't talk about his shirt buttoning habits when I'm trying to compliment your chest, hmm?"

He ran his hand up Logan's chest, fingers dragging over his pectoral muscles with another soft hum of appreciation. "Fewer shirts I can live with. You'll get tired of me stretching them out from trying to climb inside them anyway." He grinned, eyes crinkling, just a tiny hopeful light in them hinting that he was trying very hard to distract Logan from his self-recriminations.

[modernhawke]

Logan flushed, his cheeks a darker brown and his chest, under Anders' hand, abruptly warmer. He licked his lips and decided it was entirely better to not say anything at all.

And anyways then Anders was grinning at him and Logan noticed the crinkles around his eyes for the first time with delight. He brought up his hand to run his thumb gently over the crinkling skin at the corner of one eye and then said, with a tiny grin, "If you want to borrow my shirts, love, all you have to do is ask."

For his part he was entirely content to be distracted. God knew brooding over his tendency to be an idiot was never fun for anyone, least of all himself, even if he did have a hard time making himself stop it.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"But they're just naturally better if you're in them, sweetheart." Anders arched and stretched out on Logan. "You're the important part, not the shirt." He shimmied up just a little so that he could easily dip down and kiss Logan, mouth brushing and lingering, a tiny nip to his lower lip and then leaning up just as quickly if Logan tried to catch him, kiss him deeper, a gentle, playful teasing.

[modernhawke]

Logan's breath hitched at all the sliding and stretching and touching that this sort of shimmy entailed, not really loud enough to be noticeable under normal circumstances, except that Anders was right there and could probably even feel his chest rise. At the kiss, Logan cupped the back of Anders' head, but not firmly enough to prevent him from pulling back when Logan tried to chase his lips.

"Anders," he whined, bucking slightly under him, a needy twist to the way his fingers sank into Anders' hair.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Hmm?" Anders smile was coy as he licked his lips, not at all subtle as he teased. "Did you want something, Logan?" He dipped closer, kissed just the corner of Logan's mouth, but lingering in a way that let his breath heat skin, the tip of his tongue barely brushing where his lips had just been.

He was still trying to figure Logan out, what he liked, what amused him, what aroused him. Did he like to be teased? Would he take control if pressed? Was he submissive? Anders wanted to be what Logan wanted, what he needed, and he didn't think Logan would just tell him. He'd have to experiment.

[modernhawke]

Logan arched his neck, trying to kiss Anders back more deeply, get their lips to align properly, but then there was just the tip of Anders' tongue against the corner of his lips, and Anders had moved back again.

"You're a great bloody tease," he complained, just a hint of the growl he got when aroused in his voice. He was half-hard again under the blankets and the press of Anders' body.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"That does sound a little like me," Anders agreed with a throaty chuckle. He gave a pleasant shiver at the growly note in Logan's voice and brushed his lips along the line of his jaw, just the barest whisper of contact. "You hate me yet?" he murmured against Logan's earlobe.

His hand that had been wrapped tightly across Logan's chest roamed down to thumb over the edge of his hipbone.

[modernhawke]

Logan frowned, his brows drawing down, a tiny furrow appearing between them. The hand in Anders' hair moved to cup his jaw instead, strong solid fingers holding him in place enough for Logan to catch his eye.

"Never, Anders. Never," he said, all blue eyed sincerity.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The intensity of Logan's gaze made Anders' smirk dissolve into something shy and wondering. How could he have captured this much love from someone? Him? He flushed and wet his lips, smile a little shaky all of a sudden, overwhelmed with the sensation of someone loving him.

Not just wanting him and tolerating his quirks. Not only liking him just fine but not being in the market for a relationship. Not even finding friends with benefits a better solution because it didn't mean picking up all his baggage. Logan loved him.

"If looking at me like that is your plan to get me to stop teasing, it's working." He leaned down, not teasing this time, but tentative as he brought his mouth down to Logan's. He was great at play, but adoration was trickier. He didn't want to fuck it up.

[modernhawke]

The hand Logan still had wrapped around Anders' bore down gently, pressing him closer, and the hesitant way in which Anders kissed him, really kissed him this time, just made Logan want to prove everything to Anders more. He pressed in steadily, gradually increasing the pressure of his lips against Anders', and then he broke off to kiss Anders' nose and both cheeks and the curve of his brow.

"You're giving me too much credit." He kissed down the line of Anders' jaw and then said, against the center of his throat, "I'm not that crafty."