RP: Logan Hawke (NSFW down below)

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Not real. Having a nervous breakdown. And that's fine. It'll be completely fine." Anders felt like he weighed an extra thirty pounds, which wasn't far wrong with how much pond water his clothes had absorbed. He shivered as he approached the looming archway slowly, eyes wide.

The stone felt so real, the grit of mortar flaking under his fingernail, and he trailed his hand along it as he climbed a set of stairs up onto what were... walls. Battlements? The crenelations were the... castle-shaped things at the top?

He'd been playing fantasy games for years and he had no bloody idea.

It was colder as the wind whistled over him, and he huddled, arms going around himself. "Maker save me, I'm going to freeze to death in a hallucination." He kept walking, trying to chafe warmth back into his skin.

The tingling was uncomfortable, like pins and needles, but hot, and trying to get out, which wasn't exactly how he'd ever heard hypothermia described before, so that was a relief. He had to stop and lean against the wall as a violent shudder overtook him.

All of a sudden he was hot, far too hot and he held his hands away from his face, watching his clothes send curls of steam into the air. "Well, fantastic. My fucking fingers are on fire." He just stared in fascination at the licks of yellow-orange flames that limned his hands.

Comments

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Nobody, Logan. It hasn't been anybody but you for ages." Anders ran his hands up Logan's sides, under his shirt, over his ribs. One hand climbed higher so that his thumbnail could scrape his nipple.

He bent his head to lick Hawke's earlobe and then murmur, "It's a little forward for a first date, especially when I never got that dinner, but I kind want to suck you off on the floor of the great hall of an imaginary castle."

[modernhawke]

Logan bucked his hips up against Anders with a low hiss at that. He looked utterly wrecked, pupils blown wide with desire, lips dark and kiss-swollen. He framed Anders' face with both his big, coarse hands and kissed him, tongue encouraging Anders to open his mouth to him and then licking inside.

He pulled back with a wet noise and pressed kisses all over his face, from his chin to his cheek to his brow and back down the other side before he kissed the tip of his nose repeatedly.

"You are going to kill me," he growled, low and wanting.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"God, I hope not, sweetheart. I just found you." Anders smirked as Logan kissed his nose, eyes crossing just a little. He rocked his hips in a gentle roll, eyes fluttering closed and a breathy noise in his throat.

His hands drew slow, soothing circles on Logan's sides, humming softly as he leaned down for another, slow, savouring kiss. "What am I going to do with you, love?"

[modernhawke]

Logan made a choked noise at the first endearment, too distracted by it to give any kind of sarcastic response to Anders' smirk. His hands fell to Anders' waist, and then he wrapped both arms around him firmly and held him close. He closed his eyes at the kiss, and then opened them again when Anders spoke once more, and stared, blue eyes going wide.

"Say that..." his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "You can start by calling me that again," he mumbled, with some wonder.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"What, sweetheart?" Anders smirked again, but his eyes were adoring, liquid honey in the firelight and his hands never stopped caressing underneath Logan's shirt. "Or love?" He circled his arms around Logan's middle and pressed his face into his neck, hunched in his lap.

"Because I do, you know? Have for a long time. Loved you I mean. And don't laugh just because we'd never met, okay?" He squeezed a little tighter.

[modernhawke]

Logan ran a hand over the back of Anders' head soothingly and then brushed through the fine hairs on the nape of his neck.

"Laugh at you?" he wondered, and his voice was soft, more gentle than it had been yet. "Never." He tilted his head to kiss what part of Anders' face he could reach, which ended up being just above his jawline.

"I've been in love with you for almost as long as we've known each other, you silly man."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"I'm the silly one? Have you seen your shirt, Hawke?" Anders started laughing softly, against Logan's neck, and then sat slowly back, trying not to grin too widely.

"I guess you can't really be blamed for it, but you're wearing it." He kissed Logan on the forehead and then shifted on his knees with a grimace. "We should find a floor that isn't stone. Or, hell, a bed, to continue this discussion about love and silliness and what we do when we wake up and find out this was all just a dream."

[modernhawke]

Logan stuck out his tongue around the sappy simile on his face. "T-shirts under hoodies are generally not meant to be seen, love."

His hands dropped to rub at Anders' sides gently and he made a face when Anders looked pained. "All right. You can't be very comfortable." He looked around the cavernous room around them again and hummed. "That could take a while, though. This place is huge."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders followed Logan's glance around the hall and then arched into him, rubbing his face like a cat's against his shoulder before levering himself to his feet. He held out a hand to help pull the larger man up. "It would be smart to try to figure out where we are, and if anyone else is here."

He tilted his head a little sideways giving Logan a glance that was both bashful and appreciative. "And I wasn't kidding about finding a bed." He was tryimg hard not to be presumptive or overly forward but the things he wanted that he never thought he'd have? And he had this nagging doubt still firmly in his chest that this was the only chance he'd ever get.

[modernhawke]

Logan twitched in surprise at the touch, a breathless sort of motion that had him curving towards Anders automatically, lifting a hand to cup the back of Anders' head and letting out a soft noise, a cross between a giggle and an inhale. He smiled, taking Anders' hand and leveraging himself to his feet.

"Right," he said, keeping a firm, rather insistent hold of Anders' hand even when he was standing. "Very practical." He nodded, already starting to study their surroundings and think through what he had noticed about this place so far.

The sidelong glance Anders gave him brought all those thoughts up short. Logan tipped his head, his eyes sweeping Anders' face with a thoughtful sort of study, and he squeezed Anders' hand.

"I hope you are aware I don't plan on letting this be a one-off sort of thing." His tone was mild, but there was a keen intensity to his blue gaze.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders was looking at the heraldry near the throne, free hand worrying his lower lip when Logan spoke again, and he blinked and looked at him. His color was better, less pale and waxy now, so when he blushed it didn't make him look so feverish.

"What? No, I-- why?" He shook his head, trying to take the reins of his thoughts again and say something that wasn't going to make him look like a bigger bloody idiot than he did already. He gathered up his sweater, vest and shirt in one hand, and then finally looked back at Hawke.

"Love, you could be a Fade spirit for all I know." Anders smirked as he referenced the mythology of the game they'd been playing together for so long. "I could wake up in my bed tomorrow and this could have been a dream, or a caffeine related meltdown. I could have had a surprise brain tumor and be currently lying in a hospital."

His voice started to tremble as he drew closer to Logan. "All I know is that out of all the insane explanations for what is happening, actual magical transportation for the two of us, actual uses is dead last on that list. I want this to be real." He brought Logan's knuckles to his lips, pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. "But I'm not going to waste the opportunity acting like I get to have you forever, when it could end with every blink of the eye."

[modernhawke]

There was a complicated wealth of emotions on Logan's face as he stared at him, too many for even Logan to quite register them all. The phrase 'brain tumor' made him clutch desperately at Anders' hand, a ready denial on his lips, because that couldn't be what was happening, it couldn't, not if Logan was here too, and he refused to even think about it. He couldn't deny Anders' reasoning, because none of this made any sense at all, and how could they know if it would last or even if they would remember it.

All he knew was that the thought of losing Anders again, forgetting what they had found here, the feel of Anders' lips under his own and the warm, blinding happiness of being wanted back...the very idea of not getting to keep this was enough to nearly send him into a blind panic.

He let out a choking nose and clung to Anders' hand more tightly. He couldn't speak around the lump in his throat and settled for shaking his head wildly, vehemently, denial writ large in his wide eyes.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Shit. Anders could see the near-panic in Logan, his mute, blind headshake, and the way he clutched at his hand painful-tight. Fuck. He'd done that trying to be practical, trying to keep himself buffered just a little bit from the "what if this never happened, and you let yourself believe you got it" reality that was his miserable life.

He didn't get good things, and one way or the other, that had almost always been true. And here, while trying to prepare himself for that truth... well he was a self-fulfilling prophecy of fucking up, wasn't he?

Anders gripped the back of Logan's neck with his free hand and brought their foreheads together gently. "Hey, Hawke, come on, breathe, it's okay. Remember the promise? You wake up in your own bed alone tomorrow, you find me, alright? And I swear to god, I'll do the same." Even if it wasn't real, this had convinced him Logan at least deserved his honesty, and if his loneliness and desire were figments that Anders had constructed...

Well, his kindness wasn't, and Anders would just have to trust that he wouldn't get /gkicked for talking about feelings.

[modernhawke]

Logan nodded mutely and took a few deep breaths, his hand reaching for Anders' neck in a mirroring motion. He closed his eyes, brushed his thumb through the short hair on Anders' nape, tried to focus on the realness of it, no matter how little sense it made.

"All right," he said, his voice shaking. "All right. I can do that." He tilted his head slightly, the motion effecting a slow drag of his brow against Anders' forehead, and was silent for a long time, just breathing.

When he spoke again, his voice was steadier, but desperate. "I can't go back to a world where you don't want me, Anders. I can't."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders hummed softly. "Well, good luck for you, you won't have to." He tipped his head so that he could run his nose along Logan's, eyes closed. He was still stunned at how real this all felt. Could he have actually gotten it so wrong all these months, that Logan had this well of love and affection for him, when all Anders thought he'd felt was friendship?

Whatever it was, it felt real, and amazing, and Anders was going to hold onto it as tightly as he could for however long he could. He opened his eyes, smiling at Logan. "Ready to look for someplace more comfortable to make-out?" His smile cracked wider into a cheeky grin with a quirked eyebrow, eyes glinting heated and amber.

[modernhawke]

Logan leaned forward abruptly and pressed his lips to Anders' - a rather chaste kiss, all things considered, but one that lingered.

He pulled back to smile, tentatively at first, but his smile widened the longer he looked at Anders.

"Yeah. Let's - yeah."

God, he wanted so much, so badly. It scared him, the more because that carefully constructed wall was shattered, the one he'd built over the years to protect himself by repeated denial that there was even a possibility that he could have anything with the man he loved. There was nothing to hide behind anymore, and consequently nothing to shield him, and if this went wrong or was a lie or any number of possibilities, he wasn't really sure he could handle it.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders made a soft, surprised noise at the kiss, but kissed back immediately. He was having a hard time remembering that it was a good idea to go someplace else to keep kissing. He let Logan withdraw though, and smiled back, though the intent attention made him flush.

He laced his fingers back with Logan's and tugged him toward the closest door. Beyond was a rotunda that had recently been rather a lot on fire. "That's worrying." The smell of char was still strong, and he cast Logan a worried glance. Maybe it wasn't an abandoned castle after all?

[modernhawke]

Logan frowned, studying the room. It looked like some kind of battle had happened here - there was blood on the floor, and over by a pile of broken beams near one wall. At Anders' worried glance, though, he squeezed his hand and offered a reckless grin.

He looked down at his free hand and felt for the edges of that weird magic core inside him, squeezed his eyes shut in concentration, and then his hand and midway up his forearm was stone, and arcing between his stone fingers was a tiny ball of flickering lightning.

He flicked his fingers outwards and the lightning disappeared as the stone drew in on itself.

"Not that worrying, love," he said, with somewhat more confidence than he felt.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders watched the display of Logan's magic with wide eyes. "Wow. That's... weirdly hot." He grinned and craned his neck to look up the narrow tower. "So, up? Or back? Or that other door?" He found it easy to fall back into the simple role of following Logan's instincts.

It was a little weird, wasn't it, to expect him to choose when this was all... real? But it was also weirdly familiar.

[modernhawke]

Well, this was familiar. "Right, right, stick the combat mage out front why don't we. Gotta keep the precious healer in the back," he complained, a mix of his usual whinging and a warm sort of almost-flirting because yes, definitely keep the healer in the back, and not just because everyone else needed him but because this time it was Anders' real hand in his and Logan found he didn't mind the whole choosing and leading thing very much at all.

He directed his thoughts away from the heat climbing up the back of his neck at Anders' 'weirdly hot' comment, and considered their options. "That looks like a library, of a sort," he said, eyeing the space above them. "So unless you want to do it against a bookcase---" he cleared his throat and wow, that comment did not help how warm he already felt, nope, not at all, "I say we take the other door," he finished all in a rush.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"If you bothered to develop a ranged spec worth anything I wouldn't have to--" Anders snorted and broke off from his usual rant about how glass cannon mages did not belong wrapped in rock armor and taking on swarms of mobs at melee range. He rolled his eyes and then choked softly at Logan's comment.

He tilted his head, shoulders shaking with quiet laughter as he let Logan pull him toward the other door. "Do it? What are we going to do against a bookcase, Logan?" He was grinning widely as they stepped back out onto the battlements. "Because now I'm imagining everything we could do against a sturdy medieval shelving installation, and it's very distracting, so if you could narrow it down..."

[modernhawke]

Logan shook his head vigorously, the heat spreading throughout his body now visible in the way his cheeks were just the slightest bit darker than usual and his ears were reddening, his palm in Anders' gone sweaty.

"Nope. Nope. You are going to forget I ever said that."

He wiggled the fingers of his free hand in a Ben Kenobi motion and intoned, "That was not the thought you were looking for."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders laughter was delighted and a bit dirty. "Oh, love, you are so wrong about that. I'm going to cherish this thought always. Every time I see a bookshelf, I'll think, 'hmm, what would Logan do to me against that one' and I spend a lot of time in the library." He crowded in and stole a kiss, eyes twinkling merrily.

The walk across the battlement to the tower beyond was oddly still. At this height there should be wind or weather of any kind, but the roiling clouds and unsettling quality of the light aside, it was like being inside an overturned bowl.

(OOC: Man, as much as I think it would be hilarious if they made out in Cullen's bed, I really need to go to sleep. I'll be around more tomorrow. :) )

[modernhawke]

Logan groaned loudly and was about to cover his eyes with his hand when Anders stepped close and kissed him. He let out a noise of surprise but kissed back eagerly, and when Anders pulled away Logan reached up and tugged at his hoodie's drawstrings.

"You're terrible," he said, with mock-mournfulness clearly undone by the fact that he couldn't stop smiling.

He wrenched open the heavy door to the tower when they came to it and held it open for Anders. Inside, the...office? seemed particularly tidy in comparison to the charred rotunda they had just come from, and the questionable looking ladder to a second floor seemed a little out of place.

"Oh, great," he said, looking around. "More bookcases." He flushed again.

(OOC: O.o I did not think of that but now I am definitely thinking of it and am definitely kind of down for it. I should sleep too, though. See you tomorrow!)

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders peered around, lifting a hand and setting several candles and lamps around the room alight with a soft pop. "Mmm, bookcases." He grinned at Logan and went to one, scanning the spines to see if he could read the titles.

Boring, boring, military history, an almanac. His finger stopped on the sign of one and his smile fled, color draining from his face. "Hawke. Hawke, do you remember the name of the questgiver NPC outside the Temple of Sacred Ashes instance?" It was one of Anders' least favorite dungeons because of the weird religious riddle game in the middle. One time he'd aggroed the whole lot of ghosts at once, then laughed like a maniac while he healed the party just fine from the ensuing chaos while Aveline bellowed at him.