RP: Logan Hawke (NSFW down below)

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Not real. Having a nervous breakdown. And that's fine. It'll be completely fine." Anders felt like he weighed an extra thirty pounds, which wasn't far wrong with how much pond water his clothes had absorbed. He shivered as he approached the looming archway slowly, eyes wide.

The stone felt so real, the grit of mortar flaking under his fingernail, and he trailed his hand along it as he climbed a set of stairs up onto what were... walls. Battlements? The crenelations were the... castle-shaped things at the top?

He'd been playing fantasy games for years and he had no bloody idea.

It was colder as the wind whistled over him, and he huddled, arms going around himself. "Maker save me, I'm going to freeze to death in a hallucination." He kept walking, trying to chafe warmth back into his skin.

The tingling was uncomfortable, like pins and needles, but hot, and trying to get out, which wasn't exactly how he'd ever heard hypothermia described before, so that was a relief. He had to stop and lean against the wall as a violent shudder overtook him.

All of a sudden he was hot, far too hot and he held his hands away from his face, watching his clothes send curls of steam into the air. "Well, fantastic. My fucking fingers are on fire." He just stared in fascination at the licks of yellow-orange flames that limned his hands.

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[modernhawke]

Logan wrinkled his nose, looking caught between surprise at the kiss and frustration that Anders had darted away to quickly for him to respond. He wasn't entirely sure why this kept surprising him - Anders kept touching him, repeatedly, and every time it was like a goddamned fresh miracle. He was a sap, good lord.

He took an extra moment to admire Anders from behind, touching his cheek where he'd kissed him, and then hurried after.

"Who says I don't like beacons of optimism?" He reached for Anders' hand again when he'd caught up, a questioning brush of his fingers against the back of Anders' hand instead of just taking it.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The brush against the back of Anders hand caused him to catch Logan's immediately and tangle their fingers together. He smiled over at him sidelong, and knowing.

What an adorable nerd he'd found himself. An adorable, gorgeous, breathtakingly good person, nerd. "You just usually are the beacon of optimism, love. I'm the cranky one, remember?"

Letting people die who yelled for heals outside his rotation, dumping aggro onto DPS who were bragging about topping the meter, and just never saving Fenris' ass for any reason... Anders had a reputation for being a jerk, and a diva in game, with a mouth and left-leaning political views to match.

[modernhawke]

Logan pursed his lips and wrinkled his nose at that. "I only pretend not to be angry at the world, love."

His brow furrowed, because that didn't quite sound right either. Yes, he had a reputation as the dad of the group, always nagging people to eat and sleep and generally put their rl needs first (especially Anders, but that was besides the point). And it wasn't like he didn't mean any of that - he did care about the members of their little group, and he was perfectly happy to listen to Merrill complain about how her family didn't get her when she needed and let Fenris drunk chat him about that mysterious, slightly criminal past of his which Logan was pretty sure Fenris still hadn't talked to anyone else in the guild about.

Still. He was self aware enough to recognize his tendency to big brother everyone came from a lot of years of taking care of Bethany and Carver when his dad was working and his mom wasn't quite up to it, and he knew that had only gotten worse after he'd been a selfish and immature teenager who'd missed the last four years of his dad's life and some key times in the twins as well by getting the hell out of dodge before he was even eighteen. (And then there had been his dad's 'take care of them when I'm gone' comment and Logan really didn't like to think about how much that promise might have changed and cost him in the scheme of things.)

Sometimes the role felt more performative than anything, but Logan had spent so many years practicing being the nice one, the one that put everybody else first, that he wasn't even sure how to go about not being that person anymore.

Anders' candor and relentless ability to be himself no matter what anybody else might think or whose feelings might get stepped on had always been particularly attractive to him.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

That drew Anders up short, and he turned to Logan, eyes searching his face. "I'm sorry, Logan, I didn't mean that you--" He grimaced, one corner of his mouth pulling slightly deeper than the other. "It was a dumb joke."

Of course Logan was angry? Who could look at the world and not be angry? Stupid people. Evil people. Logan was neither and that's part of what drew Anders to him. The fact that he could be good, recognize wrong when he saw it, and still care about people generally. Anders had a hard time with that, and it made him feel bitter and worn out and guilty that he assumed everyone had an ulterior motive, but he still wanted desperately to help.

He ran his free hand down Logan's arm, squeezing his other hand, added quietly, "You're able to feel angry and still be kind, and that's kind of amazing. I hope you know that?"

[modernhawke]

Logan shook his head. "It wasn't a dumb joke."

He stepped closer when Anders took his other hand. "I'm pretty sure you're the only one who could look at my inability to put myself first and think 'wow, he's amazing', but thank you." The words were self-deprecating but his tone was light, and his eyes were warm and fond on Anders' face.

Maybe it was time to stop making sure everyone else was okay before he was. Maybe if he'd done that a long time ago, not torn himself up over wanting to not push Anders into something he didn't want, they would have been together a long time ago.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders blinked at that and shook his head. "Shit, Logan, no, of course you should take care of yourself. This is coming out all wrong." He chewed on the inside of his lower lip, trying to figure out how to explain.

He squeezed Logan's hands tighter. "I mean, I guess from now on, I'll get to take care of you? If you don't mind?" He wanted, suddenly with an intensity too fierce to get out of his throat, to make sure nobody ever took advantage of Hawke's good nature again. "Logan, where do you live?"

All Anders knew was he'd grown up on farms, that he lived with his mom and Carver, that Bethany was away at school somewhere.

Anders was on scholarship and couldn't afford to go anywhere, he didn't even own a car, and all of a sudden he had this person he was thinking about, somewhere in the back of his head, that he'd upend his entire life for, but he couldn't, not really. He had nothing. Logan had said earlier he nearly had enough money saved for his mom to have a new big house, which meant his and Varric's company was starting to pay out... and Anders had been eating stale corn chips for dinner the past three nights in a row because he'd gotten to the letter office too late for the three-day-old cupcakes that the local vegan bakery donated to them.

[modernhawke]

Logan wanted, oh, Maker, did he want that, with a fierce wild ache in his chest. Not Anders taking care of him, although yes, that, a little, to have someone with him for more than just the expectation that he should take care of them because he was the eldest son. But more that they could take care of each other? Because he knew that Anders ran himself ragged, knew that he could benefit from someone real and not over the internet reminding him to eat and sleep, as much as Logan could use someone to remind him that he didn't have to take care of everything for everyone all the time.

And he was used to moving, enjoyed it really, not being tied down and if he got his mother settled and independent he could go anywhere, do anything, because he owned the business with Varric and it was movable and he had enough skills, even if they were mostly laborer's skills, to be able to find work anywhere. He would drop everything to be with Anders in a heartbeat, especially with Anders the one in school.

"Kirkwall," he says, his eagerness bubbling up in his voice. "Well, we're out in Lowtown right now but I might be able to move Mom into Kirkwall proper, into Hightown eventually. But you know I can get a job anywhere, right? And I can run the company remotely just as easily, especially at this point."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"You're in Kirkwall?" Anders rubbed his forehead, trying to still the laughter that was bubbling up, because this was embarrassing really. The two of them were the biggest idiots. How many times had he failed to ask the right questions to make this all easier?

He shook his head, snorting softly, and then stared up at the creepy, roiling light in the sky. "I live in Darktown, Logan." Darktown was a mix of abandoned industrial land, abandoned attempts at loft-based gentrification, and on the near side the shittiest student housing slum the the world had ever seen.

It was rife with crime, violent and non, and any time the University did particularly well or poorly in whatever major sporting event was happening, at least one car got set on fire.

He was trying so hard not to laugh when he looked back at Logan, but it was damn hard. "We're practically neighbors. How stupid can we be?"

[modernhawke]

At the forehead rubbing, Logan gave Anders an anxious look, bracing himself for him to inevitably say 'oh, I literally live 2000 miles from you' or something like.

And then he was snorting and almost laughing and mentioning Darktown of all places, and Logan didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry or...

"Oh my god, I'm going to murder Varric. Murder. Him. All this time, and he knew you were in the same city, and if he didn't know how I felt about you I'll, I'll... eat one of Carver's nasty sweaty hats."

He looked at Anders and dragged him closer, burying his face in Anders' shoulder and mumbling, "Oh my goddd."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders' pressed Hawke closer, a hand on the back of his neck, the other against the small of his back. He was laughing softly now as Logan lamented into his shoulder, nodding, though that was mostly an excuse to rub his cheek against the close curls over his temple.

"I gave him my address when he had those shirts made months ago." He pressed a kiss to Logan's temple, then his ear. "Do you think he hates me as boyfriend material, or he just knew it would make us weirder and more awkward if we knew we were in the same town if we couldn't even admit we liked each other?"

There was a little anxiety in Anders voice. He knows it's the second, almost definitely... but at the same time he worries that Varric knows something about him, his past, and thinks that he needs to protect Logan from that. Which, isn't crazy, if he's really honest with himself.

[modernhawke]

Logan tipped his head back with a little frown and kissed Anders' cheek. "Love, no," he protested, the very idea of anyone hating Anders unthinkable, especially his best friend, because that just wasn't possible, and furthermore...

"I guarantee you he didn't tell us because he was too invested in letting it all unfold naturally so he could observe and take notes for one of his goddamned stories. The bastard. For crying out loud, I've..." His cheeks darkened but he hurried on, "I've gone on and on about how absurdly sexy your voice is and he's always giving be these looks like 'uh-huh' and 'go on' and god, I cannot believe he never said anything."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

There was plenty of interesting information in there, but only one thing sticks for Anders. "You think my voice is sexy?" He grinned, eyebrows lifting in a suggestive arch while his eyes twinkled.

"Oh my god, I'm never reading anything Isabela ever whispers me again in voice chat on drunk dungeon night ever again." He was blushing now, thinking about how two glasses of wine had sent him completely silly, and for some reason Isabela hadn't had a mic that night, and she would only send him her whispers and he'd had to read them to everyone and... "I'm going to kill her, and Varric."

[modernhawke]

Logan looked away, reaching up a hand to rub at the back of his neck awkwardly, though he couldn't stop grinning.

"I don't think you really understand," he mumbled, looking highly embarrassed. "I had...god, I cannot believe I am telling you this...I had the most vivid dreams for weeks after that night."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Logan." Anders voice was a soft purr, the hand on Hawke's neck shifting to his cheek to draw his eyes back to his. "You're really making me regret ever suggesting we get up off the floor in front of that fireplace."

There were still spots of color high in Anders' cheeks, but his smile was dopey, lopsided, eyes dripping gold, warm honey and whisky at the same time. "Tell me what you dreamt about?"

Isabela's whispers had been mostly pirate booty puns, but there had been occasional extremely explicit descriptions of what she wanted to do to, or have done to her by the questgiver NPC in the zone she was questing in. Everyone else had been in the Brecelian forest, being irritated by the maze, and Isabela was off talking about how she wanted to sit lap and ride him until he had more grey in his hair. Which, Anders realized, he'd drunkenly purred over vent, trying to approximate her voice.

"Oh god, nevermind. I can't... How can you even look at me after that?"

[modernhawke]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Logan was standing in front of the the man he'd loved silently for far too long and Anders' eyes were impossibly beautiful, like Logan could just lose himself in those warm golden depths, and he was... Logan was pretty sure purring was the right word for that tone of voice. He was hot all over, embarrassed flush having changed to something stronger as it spread all over his body and settled low between his thighs.

He pushed Anders back against the heavy wood door of the next building now they'd come to it and kissed him ravenously, dragged Anders' bottom lip into his mouth and sucked, scraped his teeth lightly before he let it go. He wedged a thigh between Anders' legs and closed his eyes.

He remembered waking up drenched in sweat, jacking off in his bedroom or dodging Carver to make it first to the bathroom he shared when he had to work early. Sometimes Anders was blond and scrawny and wearing feathers like his mage, but most often it had been just...

"Your voice, and the dark, and all the things you wanted to do to me, or have me do to you," he said, but that wasn't quite specific enough because we were talking incredibly erotic detail here and so he opened his eyes and tilted his head and crowded in close to Anders to touch his face and then run his hands down the hoodie, gripping at Anders' waist and toying with the hem.

"How I would feel around you when you took me and all the things you wanted to do to me with your mouth. For example."

Predictably, he was terrible at dirty talk, but he didn't think it would matter much because if Anders was the one talking, he could literally say anything and Logan would find it sexy.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders lost his embarrassment at the memory in the wet heat of Logan's mouth. He let Logan crowd him, push him, kiss him, spreading his legs for the thigh that pushed between with a soft moan. He would do anything for him, anything, including reading the worst of Isabela's lurid friendfiction in his ear every night, if he would keep kissing him like that.

When Logan started talking Anders' breath hitched in his chest.

His hands slid down to grip Logan's ass, two palms full, dragging him forward against him as Logan talked of Anders taking him. He groaned again and chased Hawke's mouth, kissing with wicked tongue, drawing him deeper and when he broke away he murmured, soft and low, "You, love, are going to kill me." He sucked Logan's lower lip into his mouth in an echo of the previous start to the kiss, and then grinned around it, before releasing it with a soft pop.

"Is that what you want, Logan? For me to spread you out and work you open?" His hands squeezed again, and he was blushing furiously, even his ears flaming red against his normally pale skin. He kissed him again. "I could take you all the way down my throat while I finger your ass, if that's what you want."

It was funny to find he didn't actually have any restraint. Just remembering his voice, speaking Isabela's words, had made Logan respond with heated demands, so Anders figured he'd give him something else to dream about.

[modernhawke]

Logan's hips stuttered forward when Anders gripped his ass, a low moan escaping him. He was breathing quickly by the time Anders pulled back from the kiss, and then when Anders started talking, and not just talking but squeezing whole palmfuls of his ass, Logan was practically whimpering by that point which was ironic because he was not usually this... vocal.

But he was also not as embarrassed by any of this as he could have been, because it was Anders. He tilted his head, traced his first finger around the shell of Anders' ridiculously red ear, arched against him involuntarily at the suggestions.

"Fuck, Anders," he groaned. "Yes. Anything. If you're asking me what I want I'm going to be really unhelpful because I literally cannot think of anything that you might want to do to me that I would not want right now."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders had to restrain himself from sliding down the door and wrestling Logan's jeans open right there. Fuck, Logan was hot, and he... Anders knew better than this. They needed to have a conversation, talk about safer sex, discuss signals and safewords...

But he never wanted to stop kissing him.

Talking was hard when you had your tongue in someone else's mouth, and that fact wasn't lost on Anders at all when he stretched to kiss Logan again, greedy and loose. One of his hands slid up Logan's back, under his t-shirt, long, dextrous fingers splaying and gripping across the strong muscles of Logan's lower back.

He broke away to pant softly and murmured, "God, Logan, we need to get back to looking for a bed, or a chair, hell I'd take a table as long as we were indoors."

[modernhawke]

Logan was, of course, also aware of the fact that more talking that needed to be done, somewhere in the fuzzy recesses of his mind, but mostly he was just undone by... Well, everything.

He wanted to feel Anders' lean body against his, and he slid his hands under the hoodie and splayed one against the taut, shifting muscles of his stomach, drifted his other hand around Anders' back to drag across his skin and then up to the center of his back, where he stroked and then pulled Anders closer.

"Bed," he panted, loathe to quit touching him. "Yes. I should...let you open that door behind you, then."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders skin buzzed with Logan's touch, his arousal and overblown want drawing faint tingles of his healing magic to chase the pads of his fingers. He had to let his head fall back against the door with a thump, force the warmth down, the mana back into it's the pool within him, so that nothing arced out.

Catching his... shit, his boyfriend's hair on fire because he was excited wasn't going to be good for either of them. He nodded, hand leaving Logan's back to reach behind him, scrabble for the handle. It was an awkward lift-bolt latch though, and he couldn't simply open it with a turn of his wrist.

He started laughing as he shifted to look at it, other hand still stroking Logan's skin, unwilling to give up all that contact. "You know, don't you, that this room might be full of... I don't know. Barrels of chewed boots and moth-eaten scarves and no bed at all?" The building the door led into looked like an inn, or tavern though, from where it abutted the wall, so there was a good chance there'd at least be a chair.

[modernhawke]

Logan tilted his head and his spine arched under Anders' touch because that was...yes, the same healing magic at the tips of Anders' fingers add before, but it was...rather more pleasurable when he was already aroused.

"Ahh, um." He leaned forward, his forehead resting in the curve of Anders' neck, found himself grinding down against the leg he was more or less straddling. "That's...interesting. Um." He took a deep breath, which didn't help matters at all because then all he could smell was Anders, his sweat, skin, very faint traces of a clean scent that was probably his shampoo from the morning before they'd been taken.

He laughed against Anders' skin for the sheer absurdity of all this, kissed his pulse point, and pulled back. The hand under his shirt still stroking his skin was quite possibly the most wonderful thing Logan had ever felt, and he leaned in to Anders as the door fell open, wrapping an arm around his middle despite the fact that this position was going to make it a little harder for either of them to move.

"This place seems a little grander than all those Free Marches dungeons you're thinking of, love," he smirked, looking satisfied when the room revealed beyond the door proved his point.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders wasn't sure he could ever have enough of Logan's kisses, the close, dense heat of his body, the way his arm fit around his waist. He didn't complain in the slightest at any of it, though he did shift so that his back was pressing against Logan's chest as they peered into the rampart attic room of the tavern. "It's hard not to be grander than the same cave map used five times for different quests."

He slipped out of Logan's arms, but twined his fingers with his again, and tugged him into the room and shut the door with his foot.

[modernhawke]

Logan snickered, a vibration in his chest that Anders could probably feel against his back. "Point," be agreed, leaning forward to brush his lips against Anders' temple before he pulled away. It was incredibly easy, just to reach for him like that, and Logan marveled again that he could - just, think about it and do it, reach out and touch him. It was not going to get old for a long, long time.

"Normal taverns mean beds, right?" He let himself be pulled along by the hand and leaned over the rail in the middle of the room to look down at the main body of the tavern when they neared it. "Or is that too much Skyrim and not enough Thedas?"

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The tavern was largely dark below them, with some of the weird greenish light filtering through the windows. Anders snickered softly. "It's all super normal. I mean, just look at it." He bumped his hip into Logan, and then raised a hand to conjure a small ball of swirling greenish-blue wisplight that he sent across the attic to illuminate the row of doors that looked like they probably led to small rooms under the taverns dormers.

The wisp danced down to the second level then, Anders watching it with focused attention as it lit up the abandoned tables and chairs.

[modernhawke]

"Oh yes. Completely empty, weird green light, plus the fact that it's apparently floating in some chasm. Totally normal."

Logan watched the wisp drift down away from them as he snarked, looking actually a little enraptured by its dancing light. He squeezed Anders' hand and smiled.

He pointed with his other hand to the row of doors. "Those look promising?"