RP: Logan Hawke (NSFW down below)

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Not real. Having a nervous breakdown. And that's fine. It'll be completely fine." Anders felt like he weighed an extra thirty pounds, which wasn't far wrong with how much pond water his clothes had absorbed. He shivered as he approached the looming archway slowly, eyes wide.

The stone felt so real, the grit of mortar flaking under his fingernail, and he trailed his hand along it as he climbed a set of stairs up onto what were... walls. Battlements? The crenelations were the... castle-shaped things at the top?

He'd been playing fantasy games for years and he had no bloody idea.

It was colder as the wind whistled over him, and he huddled, arms going around himself. "Maker save me, I'm going to freeze to death in a hallucination." He kept walking, trying to chafe warmth back into his skin.

The tingling was uncomfortable, like pins and needles, but hot, and trying to get out, which wasn't exactly how he'd ever heard hypothermia described before, so that was a relief. He had to stop and lean against the wall as a violent shudder overtook him.

All of a sudden he was hot, far too hot and he held his hands away from his face, watching his clothes send curls of steam into the air. "Well, fantastic. My fucking fingers are on fire." He just stared in fascination at the licks of yellow-orange flames that limned his hands.

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[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders arched back as Logan's hand took up the same rhythm, head falling back, the long bow of his pale body rising and falling on Logan's hips, like he was riding him.

He stuttered as his knuckles dragged against Logan's and he shifted slightly. "Here, love." He switched hands so he could lace their fingers together, hands holding them both at once, guiding the pace of the slow strokes and letting Logan's hips set the rhythm of the thrusts.

"Okay?" he gasped out, going down onto his forearm on Logan's chest so he could brush a kiss against his lips, changing the angle of the pressure against Logan's cock.

[modernhawke]

"Yes, definitely more than okay," Logan gasped, thrusting steadily into the circle of their fingers. He watched Anders sway, riding and falling, above him, admired the line of his body and the haze of pleasure in his eyes. He reached his free hand to tangle in Anders' hair as he dropped down for a kiss, kissed him back with lips and tongue and a hint of teeth, possessive and greedy and eager. "God, I love you, Anders."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders groaned into the rougher kiss, giving a little extra roll and buck of his hips. "I love you, Logan. So much." He nipped at Logan's lower lip, grinning. "And I love your hand all tangled in my hair."

There were dirtier things he almost said, but this was wonderful and warm and Logan was delicious. The heat and want in his belly were coiling tighter as he lapped into Logan's mouth with a hungry groan.

[modernhawke]

Logan laughed, surprised, a short clear sound. There was a moment where he wanted to tease, to say how easily pleased Anders was, but the simple honesty did a curious sort of thing to his libido. His hips bucked up higher into their hands and he said, pleased and breathless, "Yeah?"

And the little noises Anders was making were fantastic. Logan ran his fingers through to the ends of Anders' hair and back to his scalp, scratching lightly with blunt nails. He opened his mouth to Anders' tongue, drew him closer into the warmth and damp of his mouth with short, teasing licks. He was making soft, eager noises himself, knew little beyond the heat curling low inside him and the fact that he never, ever wanted this to stop.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The sound of Hawke's laugh, the one that was surprise and delight, made Anders' heart tighten and squeeze as he nodded his agreement. He thrust with Logan, squeezing and stroking, having a hard time leaving room between them for their arms, so completely did he want to align with Logan and sink into him.

He passed this thumb over the head of his own cock, smearing pre-come from it to Logan's, a clever slick circle before he returned to gripping and stroking. He broke the kiss to pant, nose pressed against Logan's cheek, breath hot on his skin. He was aware again of the coil of magic inside him, the pool of mana was shifting and pulsing as it responded to his pleasure, his want, and his hair was starting to stand on end on his arms. "Love you so much." He scraped his teeth against the line of Logan's jaw. "Do you want to come with me like this, Logan?"

[modernhawke]

Logan wondered briefly, as Anders sank across his chest, if the angle would soon become uncomfortable for him, his arm trapped as it was between their bodies, but for himself Anders was light and thin against him, and then Anders did that smearing thing with his hand and most of his conscious thought vanished in the hum of pleasure under his skin.

He was warm, warmer even than he should have been, though it did not occur to him to think that it might be the buzz of his magic inside him, heat and fire and lightning as it had always been in game. Instead he whined, loud and needy, at the scrape of Anders' teeth against the scruff on his jaw, throwing his head back against the pillows.

"God, oh god, yes, yes, please Anders," he moaned, pretty sure he had never wanted anything more in his life. His desire was pooling low in his body, coiling with the heat all across his skin. The hand in Anders' hair slipped down to grip at his shoulder, palm sweaty against Anders' skin, and he turned his head, settling for an open-mouthed kiss against Anders' brow as he shuddered and panted.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

At Logan's moaned pleas Anders increased the pace of his hand guiding them, shorter, more frenetic strokes, gasping as he did so. He turned to catch Logan's mouth with his own, the kiss messy and wet, no finesse, but desperate as he moaned.

The pressure of the energy inside him was coiled as tight as the pleasure and all he wanted, with a need that made his throat thicken and his eyes sting, was to make Logan feel good. He wasn't even conscious of it, the warm, buzzing energy that rose to his fingers, his palms, one hand on their cocks that made him cry out, the other closing the circuit on Logan's chest, a brilliant flare of intensity that sensitized everything the energy passed over.

He keened at the sensation, hips stuttering, rhythm failing, and broke the kiss to stare down at Logan with gleaming eyes. "Fuck, yes, please, love, you're so perfect. Come for me."

[modernhawke]

"Oh god oh god oh please," Logan keened when the pace of Anders' hand quickened, his own hand on Anders' cock moving swifter to match the pace, babbling, aware he was begging but not able to stop it. He wanted to come apart under Anders, to show him what this man, this beautiful, beautiful man did to him, and make Anders do and feel the same.

And then there was all that flaring buzzing pleasure, sweeping from Logan's chest where Anders' arm touched him down to their joined hands over their cocks, and Logan cried out and arched his back and the hot sweaty magic just lingering under his own skin burst out, pulled forth at their hands by Anders' magic. It crackled between them, pale blue light and sensation like short, intense static, swept up every inch of Logan's already sensitized skin, licked at Anders where they touched. Logan whimpered, his whole body seizing with the pleasure-pain of it, and then his cock was pulsing, thick spurts of come coating their hands and their bellies. He trembled violently.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The crackle of energy, the feeling of Logan coming apart underneath him, the sensation of his skin and his magic, and everything in between, all of it tore through Anders so that he was coming just a beat after Logan, arching and bearing down and crying out in something nearly a sob as his ability to do more than squeeze and grind was lost.

He was lost, nothing but pleasure and love and need for more of the man he was slowly rocking to stillness against, the sticky-slick between their cocks easing the glide as they shuddered in aftershocks. He collapsed against Logan's chest, shoulders trembling, panting and trying to blink away the tears that were welling from it all be so much. So good.

Just like Logan was good. He buried his face in his shoulder, kissing gently, free hand moving up to cup Logan's cheek.

[modernhawke]

Logan brushed the palm of his free hand over the back of Anders' head and then, after a moment, tangled his fingers lightly in his hair. His shaking gradually eased, and then he was turning his face towards Anders', brushing his lips over his brow, his cheek, his chin.

"Anders," he murmured, sighed, the word gentle and warm and happy and worshipful all at once.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The soft, tender voice Logan used to say his name made Anders open his eyes, turning back toward him. His lashes were wet, smile soft, with a slight quiver in his lower lip. "Wow," he whispered, shivering and breathless.

[modernhawke]

Logan nuzzled into him, his hand moving to brush in slow sweeps down Anders' back. He wore a nearly identical smile, soft and warm, his blue eyes impossibly adoring on Anders' face.

"Not sure I could put it any better," he whispered back.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Be right back." Anders kissed him softly and then carefully pushed himself up and then off of Logan's hips, plopping to sit next to him, lanky and awkward in the small space between Logan and the edge of the bed. There was a sideboard near the door, with a basin and pitcher, and a small stack of linen towels that caught his eye. He levered up, legs wobbly and grabbed the towel. The pitcher was empty, and he frowned at it. "You now any water summoning spells?" he asked amiable, a giddy sort of laughter prickling in his chest.

The pale skin of his back was turned toward Logan, and he had stripes of scars crisscrossing it, more than a handful, from the tops of his shoulderblades to his ass. Some of them, that Logan had seen before, curled around the ribs on the left side.

[modernhawke]

Logan caught his breath at the sight of the scars, far more and nastier than he would have guessed from the ones he'd seen earlier. He'd thought he'd felt something under his fingertips just now, petting down Anders' back, but actually seeing them? That was...different. That was like a blow to his gut, that anyone could hurt Anders so badly. He felt a sudden rush of rage at whoever had done this, hot and fierce and burning. His head swam.

"Afraid not," he said, attempting to make his voice light and joking. It still came out strained. "I seem to be mostly adept at setting things on fire, not the opposite." He touched the fingers of his clean hand to Anders' back, and they were hot to the touch. Logan pulled his hand back quickly before the magic he could feel building up from his anger spilled out, managing to keep the small ball of lightning mostly in his palm, although it did skitter out of his control and slam into the opposite wall. It left a small circle in the wood paneling blackened and smoking.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders had been concentrating on the basin, trying to figure out if he could do ice. He did ice just fine in game. Could he do ice? He had started to raise his hand when Logan's fingers brushed over his back and then suddenly his hair was standing up all over and he flinched at the small bolt that hit the wall.

He spun, staring at Logan, not in fear, that never even crossed his mind. Just concern. "God, Logan, are you okay?" He wiped his sticky hand rapidly on the towel, and then reached for the other man, eyes wide. "Love?"

[modernhawke]

Logan scooted back, away from Anders' reach, although with a remorseful expression that made it look like the action physically pained him. He shook his head, blue eyes wide. "Don't. I don't want to hurt you." He gave his hand a black look, fear and frustration and anger bleeding through him, and slumped, cradling his hand to his chest as if that would shield Anders from it.

He took a deep breath, ground his teeth together, breathed again. "Fine, I'm fine," he muttered, trying to shove his magic and his rage, all together, back down inside him and seal it away tightly. This was...this was a problem. In game, he'd always had such mastery of his magic, but here? Here it was bound to his emotions so tightly he was afraid he would burst with it. And wasn't that ironic. All that anger he'd thought he'd gotten so good at keeping to himself, anger at himself for abandoning his family when they needed him, anger at his mom for blaming him for his dad's death, anger at Rowan for all his shit, anger at all the conservative assholes he'd worked for and worked with over the years, anger at himself for never being able to just...be who he really was. And now for Anders' sake...

There was so much anger in him - he was practically boiling with it. It was no wonder Varric had never seen fit to tell Logan that he had Anders right within his reach. He was a toxic, bleeding mess, and now physically dangerous as well. Wasn't that just grand. He gave a short, bitter laugh.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

The expression that Logan wore as he pushed away made Anders flinch, and then his mouth set into a steady line, eyes narrowing just a touch. "You're bloody not fine," he said sharply, moving onto the bed with clear intent. His eyes studied Logan, trying to figure out what had happened... what he had done.

He sat down, with a leg curled underneath him, and the other on the floor. He wanted to touch Logan, but if he didn't want that, he wouldn't press. He wasn't going to force anything on him. "Logan, please, talk to me." His voice turned soft, worried, almost pleading. "Did I do something?"

His mind worked furiously, ticking off the last few minutes, between mind-blowing orgasms and sudden withdrawn rejection of his touch. He hadn't seen what had sparked... his back had been to Logan, and... oh.

"Oh." He turned away, scrambling to find his mostly dry button down in the pile of clothing, hands shaking as he struggled to right it so he could pull it on.

[modernhawke]

Logan shook his head forcefully, hugging both arms to his chest now, ignoring the mess still on his one hand. "No, not you, love, it's - it's me, I..." He bit his bottom lip hard, closing his eyes, still trying to tame the wild, dangerous emotions and magic coursing through his veins.

He opened them again at Anders' soft 'oh' and then seeing him fumbling for his shirt made him feel like he was choking, choking on his own stupidity and fears and old, old anger. His heart ached, and without conscious thought he was reaching for Anders again, trying to take the shirt from his hands.

"Anders - don't - you don't have to hide, I - I'm sorry, I-" Stupid. Stupid. God, he was an idiot, seeing Anders' scars, and then making his intense emotional reaction all about him when it was Anders who had been hurt, not him. Logan looked down and noticed how close he was to Anders again, hand just an inch or two from Anders' wrist, and he flinched and pulled away again, not confident in his ability to control himself.

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"It makes people uncomfortable. I know. I should have... said something. I didn't think. They're old, and I forget, and..." Anders swallowed hard once Logan had flinched away from him again, looking ill. He tugged the shirt on, jaw working, before he looked carefully at Logan, his misery.

"I'm sorry, Logan." He worked on buttoning the shirt. "I should have warned you. And before you ask, you don't have to worry, I didn't get them from being into 'kinky shit'." He forced his tone to be light, his smile a little stiff, but earnest as he looked at Logan. He extended a hand carefully onto the bed, an inch or two away from Logan's hip, but didn't try to touch him.

Had it really been his last attempt at a boyfriend who'd said that? He rubbed at his eyes, grimacing, trying to fight back the sting of tears and thinking about that disaster and a half, the disgust and discomfort, layered under a bad joke about spanking Anders and being called daddy. He raked his other hand through his hair.

[modernhawke]

Logan rubbed at his jaw. He should stop, should let him think disgust was all this was - it would be safer that way, with Anders away from his volatile temper and utter fucking inability to be what anybody deserved. There was Rowan's voice, laughing and taunting in his head: C'mon, baby, I thought you loved me? Why you gotta hide it? and then there was Anders, looking sick and unhappy and trying to hide it, and he deserved better than Logan and all his fuck-ups, but Logan was as selfish as he was angry and he couldn't stand that look on Anders' face.

"Not...uncomfortable," he muttered, forcing himself to look Anders in the eye. "They don't make me uncomfortable, Anders. They make me enraged. I told you I'm-" he gave that bitter, short laugh again, "- I'm an angry person." His hand moved towards Anders, fell back in his lap. "Who did this to you?" he asked, voice going soft, and then he closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, never mind, fuck. You don't have to tell me. You don't have to talk about it."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

Anders had gotten used to different reactions. Pity, disbelief, disgust, a general impersonal discomfort. He'd had a very few people hear the story, see the scars, and their reaction had been understanding. Anger on his behalf wasn't something Anders was used to. He met Logan's eyes with brows arched in surprise, lips parted and then swallowed when Logan asked and immediately recanted his question.

"I'll tell you," he answered quietly. "But you have to hold my hand while I do it." His smile was shaky, but less wooden as he watched Logan's face. It was an old hurt, and he could usually talk about it just fine, but he if Logan wouldn't touch him, he wasn't going to be able to make it through.

[modernhawke]

Logan flexed his fingers and looked down at his hand, then back up at Anders' face.

"All right," he said, wary but also wanting. "But if I start feeling like I'm going to set your hair on fire, I'm going to let go, okay?" He blew out a breath and gestured. "This - the fire and lightning especially - seem to be tied to my emotions. I'm normally better at keeping it together, but then I'm not normally able to set things on fire with my mind. So."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Since I prefer not to lose any of my hair, I can accept those terms." Anders reached out slowly, but without wariness, just trying not to make Logan any jumpier than he was, and slid his hand carefully into his. His other hand, he grabbed up the towel he'd discarded and handed it to Logan. "Just in case you wanted to get rid of all that mess I left you with."

He took a deep breath, twitching the front line of buttons on his shirt, and then looked over, brown eyes sad, a little bitter, but mostly just resigned. "Have you ever heard of those parents that use biblical discipline?" His lower lip pouted slightly as he chewed the inside. "Like it's some sort of parenting trend? That was my father, ages before it was cool."

[modernhawke]

Logan brushed at the drying mess with the towel in his free hand, which helped somewhat, but not entirely, and then wrinkled his nose and dropped the towel on the bed beside him. He squeezed Anders' hand and then started rubbing his thumb in broad circles over Anders' knuckles.

"A little," he said. "My mom was pretty religious. My dad, not so much. They started trying to make us go to church when we finally settled in Lothering. Three years of that was about enough for me; all that 'man shall not lie with man' shit and I pretty effectively tuned them out. Caught a few buzz words and ideas, which I've done my best to forget."

[serhealsalot_fadewalk]

"Every once in a while you'll hear about them on the news, the extreme ones. I can't remember what the name of the book is, but it's a play on the old 'spare the rod and spoil the child' but that was my father's manual. And he certainly didn't spare the rod." Anders shrugged his shoulders weakly, rolling them, feeling the pull in the scars that was so old he barely felt it anymore.

"Change camp came when I was very young, only twelve I think. I was never very good at hiding. And my father was a mean sack of shit who was suspicious of everything." Anders shrugged again. "I ran away. He caned me." He gestured to his back, the now hidden scars. "I ran away again. His house burned down. I got put in the foster system. I ran away a lot from situations that were bad, and ones that were probably better than I deserved"