fadewalk | RP: Anders

Neria was pacing in front of a table full of open books, parchments, journals and notes. The farther wall from the door was covered with written rituals, most of them Ancient Elven, along with more of her notes, drawings of runes and magical circles. She was completely and utterly absorbed by her own thoughts.

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Anders studied the circle, tracing the diagram with a finger.

"Are you sure even a lyrium circle would be powerful enough to power this?" he asked dubiously, brow furrowing.

"No, not a conventional one. We'll have to add more layers to the circle, use far more Lyrium." Neria scratched her head "I saw a book in the underground library about it. Tevene technique, very simple to use."

Anders nodded. "Did you bring that one? I could take a look at it." He chewed on his lip. "It sounds feasible, if we can get our hands on the lyrium. Do you get a supply, as Warden-Commander? I've had a beast of a time getting any on my own, though Hawke and Varric have always helped with that."

"I secured a good supply of Lyrium for Vigil's Keep since more mages and ex-templars joined the Grey Wardens with the war, years ago. Enough to draw a magic circle with Lyrium in a room bigger than this without problems. And, of course, sparing some for mister Glavonak blow things up every now and then."

She chuckled

"Now... I'm almost sure I brought that book with me... or maybe I just left it in the underground library." Neria taped her chin with one finger, thinking

Anders looked impressed. "Good," he said approvingly. "Assuming we get the spell right...this...this might just work."

Jusice hummed in his head and muttered something about the injustice of subjecting desperate people, people like Anders had been, to the Taint without their consent, not only threatening their lives initially but cutting them short inevitably. He approved of this Cure business; of course he did. As for Anders himself...he had not expected to live even this long, and the thought that he might not only have another decade or two with Hawke and Fenris, but the rest of his life? It was...incomprehensible. It was beyond what he deserved.

It was incredible.

He handed the journal with his corrections back to her. "Take a look."

"Oh, yes, please."

Neria took the journal and read it, carefully. Sometimes, a twitch of her ears or eyebrows, but her eyes were just devouring the corrections, the gears on her mind clearly analyzing the modifications, their implications and how everything would work when ready. A little smile showed on her lips when she was finally done.

"Seems functional for me. Perfectly functional. If this works... Creators..." she sighed "If this works Anders, we'll change the Grey Wardens forever. Like Alistair said, we'll have people fighting over their beliefs, and not a death sentence. This will be... beautiful. Just beautiful."

Anders took her hand and pressed it.

"You saved Thedas once, Neria. It is only just that you save yourself now too." He smiled faintly. "And the rest of us as well, I suppose."

"People should thank Jowan, actually. If that little piece of magic crap hadn't used me to destroy his phylactery, I would probably have died in the Uldred's rebellion." Neria chuckled "Now, if we can find that much Lyrium here, we can test it."

Anders lips drew together with distaste, and he looked pained.

"If we follow that logic, I suppose I should be grateful to Greagoir and Irving for tossing me in solitary, since that probably saved my life. But I have an aversion to thanking templars and jailors for things, so I shan't do that."

He shook his head and refocused his gaze on Neria. "Do you think the odds of finding that much lyrium here are any good?" he asked dubiously.

"Of course you can't." she could barely avoid a grin on her face, the kind of grin dedicated only to life-long friends "I wish I could've seen Mr. Wiggums fighting against the bucketheads, though."

Then she stood up.

"Guess we can only find that much Lyrium if we look after it, right?"

Ander's lips twitched, her amusement infectious. "It was rather a sight," he agreed.

He stood when she did.

"Any ideas where to start? Or perhaps one of the Inquisitors might know."

"Better check with Dagna, she might know something. I also need to find that bloody book."

Anders nodded, abruptly looking a little out of place. His hands smoothed down the front of his feathered coat.

"Right. Well. Just, you know, let me know whatever you need? I'm - heh - pretty much free to run around helping people, here. Plus Justice prefers it that way - gives him something to focus on."

"I'm no healer, so you better be right I'll come after you anytime soon."

She smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"You think... hmm... think you can give me that 'long-lost-friends-meet-again' hug we've been postponing since we saw each other?"

Anders laughed, raising both brows at her.

"Do you even have to ask?" he teased. He stepped close and held open his arms.

"It's only polite, don't you think?"

And she wrapped her arms around his ribs, chin resting on his shoulders. Neria could easily tell by his face that Anders had lost weight along the years, by the slightly hollow of his cheeks and eyes, but hugging him now only caused the years and distance to crash against her. She let out a breath, hands over his shoulder blades.

"Creators... Vigil's Keep is not the same without our favorite apostate around."

Anders rested his cheek on the top of her head and laughed, hollow and quiet.

"I seem to have quite the habit of ruining places I could have called home, don't I? Rather spectacularly, with lots of bloodshed, I might add. I wonder what that says about me? Pathological fear of losing it eventually, so I just go ahead and do it to myself?"

He sighed mournfully, arms tightening around her. "I'm sorry, Neria."

"Pathological fear, probably, though I'm more fond of the theory of you simply being a dick." she chuckled "I'm sorry too. I always knew how much you hated being bounded by something and yet, conscripted you and made you take the Joining, disguising it as salvation from the templars. Not very thoughtful of me, in retrospect."

Neria pulled away, holding his hands.

"I know you're 4 years apart from us, but Alistair would like to have you back to the Keep." she pondered "Which, looking now, seems like a silly thing to say, since our realities have different Hawkes, so they're probably not the same at this point." she shrugged that thought away "Okay, it doesn't matter. Go find me in your reality. If I know myself, I'll be very glad to have you back. With whomever makes you happy."

Anders snorted. "A much more succinct theory, that. I can't really disagree." He blinked and shook his head, ignoring Justice's indignation at the epithet.

"You saved my life, Neria. You don't have to apologize for that. I don't know what else you could have done back then, and I will always be grateful that you took a chance on someone as troublesome as me."

At her invitation, however, he went very still. "You would-" his voice came out hoarse and he cleared his throat and tried again. "You would do that? Both of you?" He closed his eyes, shaking his head violently. "Neria, I'm-I'm a fugitive now. It's not like when I was just another apostate hiding out from the templars. I've killed and I did what had to be done, but they're never going to stop hunting me now. And if that's the price I pay for Hawke sparing my life, then I'll pay it, but I can't ask anyone else to pay that price for me. You don't want this troublemaker anymore. Trust me."

"You're wrong. I want. We want. And little Prince Vael can gather his shit and fucking meet me in the pit, I won't let family behind. You're family, Anders. The brother who happened to have other parents than my own, but a brother no less."

Neria's smile widened.

"You're not asking, I'm offering. That's the difference. Besides, I agree with what you have done and I sincerely doubt the Vael boy has the guts to cross the sea with an army after you. Otherwise, he'll deal with Anora and he'll be really doomed."

Anders laughed, and then he choked. He pulled his hands out of Neria's to cover his face. His shoulders shook, and it appeared for a while like he was still laughing, but the keening noises he was making became clear as sobs instead.

"Sweet - Maker - you can't just - say these kinds of things to me, Neria." He turned away, trying to dash the tears from his eyes with his hands. "Like I'm still just - just another man, and not a monster trying to change the world through fire and blood."

(ooc: oh, fire and blood, I really loved the Targaryen, y'know? - gets beaten to death by the bad pun)

"Now, now, here." Neria reached out for his hands and pulled them away from his face, hugging him again before rubbing his back in a soothing motion, rocking back and forth in silence for a few moments

"You're not a monster. You did what no one else had the courage to. You're passionate about your beliefs and you cares, deeply, about people you have never met, about the mages still to come. We knew nothing would change if they could simply follow their lives ignoring us and you did what you saw fit. Not my personal course of action, but a course of action, regardless. And the proof of what I'm saying is Justice, how you could bond and change together without being corrupted. You're not a monster."

(OOC: *snorts* It's been quite a while since I read some of those books, and I never got into the tv show, so I did not put those two together. I should have, though...)

Anders buried his face in her shoulder, ignoring the fact he had to stoop to do so.

"I don't know how you all can see such things in us, and I don't know what we did to deserve any of it - something, surely, at some point, or none of this makes any sense at all."

He sniffled. "I'm plans-less, Neria. We have officially surpassed the extent of my plans, which were mostly just 'die heroically when the task is done,' I admit, so. If - if you really want me back, I'll - I'll come back." He pulled back and rubbed at his eyes. "You would like Hawke, and she and Fenris would give the best of your warriors a run for their money. And we've faced darkspawn before, all of us, so we wouldn't be completely useless to you."

"Oh, believe me, I see a lot of things most people wouldn't. Must be the elven eyes, I don't know." she grinned, poking his ribs "Now how did you end up with not only one, but two lovers, is something I can't understand. Unless they have a taste for stray cats, all skinny..." she poked his ribs again "fur all messed up." then, ruffled his feather pauldrons, holding back a laugh "If they're good as you say, perhaps they could train my men. I'm not asking them to take the Joining, so no Deep Roads for them, but Varel would be happy having more seasoned warriors around, I'm certain."

Edited Date: 2015-08-30 08:32 am (UTC)

"That is a surprisingly accurate summary of Hawke's taste in men, actually," he said with a snicker. "Although Fenris is not particularly fond of being compared to a cat, the analogy holds for him as well." He rubbed at his cheek. "Believe me, how I ended up getting to have both of them is still by and large a mystery to me as well. If the Maker gives a shit about me, maybe that's his way of showing it."