fadewalk | RP: Anders

Neria was pacing in front of a table full of open books, parchments, journals and notes. The farther wall from the door was covered with written rituals, most of them Ancient Elven, along with more of her notes, drawings of runes and magical circles. She was completely and utterly absorbed by her own thoughts.

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Ander's lips twitched, her amusement infectious. "It was rather a sight," he agreed.

He stood when she did.

"Any ideas where to start? Or perhaps one of the Inquisitors might know."

"Better check with Dagna, she might know something. I also need to find that bloody book."

Anders nodded, abruptly looking a little out of place. His hands smoothed down the front of his feathered coat.

"Right. Well. Just, you know, let me know whatever you need? I'm - heh - pretty much free to run around helping people, here. Plus Justice prefers it that way - gives him something to focus on."

"I'm no healer, so you better be right I'll come after you anytime soon."

She smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"You think... hmm... think you can give me that 'long-lost-friends-meet-again' hug we've been postponing since we saw each other?"

Anders laughed, raising both brows at her.

"Do you even have to ask?" he teased. He stepped close and held open his arms.

"It's only polite, don't you think?"

And she wrapped her arms around his ribs, chin resting on his shoulders. Neria could easily tell by his face that Anders had lost weight along the years, by the slightly hollow of his cheeks and eyes, but hugging him now only caused the years and distance to crash against her. She let out a breath, hands over his shoulder blades.

"Creators... Vigil's Keep is not the same without our favorite apostate around."

Anders rested his cheek on the top of her head and laughed, hollow and quiet.

"I seem to have quite the habit of ruining places I could have called home, don't I? Rather spectacularly, with lots of bloodshed, I might add. I wonder what that says about me? Pathological fear of losing it eventually, so I just go ahead and do it to myself?"

He sighed mournfully, arms tightening around her. "I'm sorry, Neria."

"Pathological fear, probably, though I'm more fond of the theory of you simply being a dick." she chuckled "I'm sorry too. I always knew how much you hated being bounded by something and yet, conscripted you and made you take the Joining, disguising it as salvation from the templars. Not very thoughtful of me, in retrospect."

Neria pulled away, holding his hands.

"I know you're 4 years apart from us, but Alistair would like to have you back to the Keep." she pondered "Which, looking now, seems like a silly thing to say, since our realities have different Hawkes, so they're probably not the same at this point." she shrugged that thought away "Okay, it doesn't matter. Go find me in your reality. If I know myself, I'll be very glad to have you back. With whomever makes you happy."

Anders snorted. "A much more succinct theory, that. I can't really disagree." He blinked and shook his head, ignoring Justice's indignation at the epithet.

"You saved my life, Neria. You don't have to apologize for that. I don't know what else you could have done back then, and I will always be grateful that you took a chance on someone as troublesome as me."

At her invitation, however, he went very still. "You would-" his voice came out hoarse and he cleared his throat and tried again. "You would do that? Both of you?" He closed his eyes, shaking his head violently. "Neria, I'm-I'm a fugitive now. It's not like when I was just another apostate hiding out from the templars. I've killed and I did what had to be done, but they're never going to stop hunting me now. And if that's the price I pay for Hawke sparing my life, then I'll pay it, but I can't ask anyone else to pay that price for me. You don't want this troublemaker anymore. Trust me."

"You're wrong. I want. We want. And little Prince Vael can gather his shit and fucking meet me in the pit, I won't let family behind. You're family, Anders. The brother who happened to have other parents than my own, but a brother no less."

Neria's smile widened.

"You're not asking, I'm offering. That's the difference. Besides, I agree with what you have done and I sincerely doubt the Vael boy has the guts to cross the sea with an army after you. Otherwise, he'll deal with Anora and he'll be really doomed."

Anders laughed, and then he choked. He pulled his hands out of Neria's to cover his face. His shoulders shook, and it appeared for a while like he was still laughing, but the keening noises he was making became clear as sobs instead.

"Sweet - Maker - you can't just - say these kinds of things to me, Neria." He turned away, trying to dash the tears from his eyes with his hands. "Like I'm still just - just another man, and not a monster trying to change the world through fire and blood."

(ooc: oh, fire and blood, I really loved the Targaryen, y'know? - gets beaten to death by the bad pun)

"Now, now, here." Neria reached out for his hands and pulled them away from his face, hugging him again before rubbing his back in a soothing motion, rocking back and forth in silence for a few moments

"You're not a monster. You did what no one else had the courage to. You're passionate about your beliefs and you cares, deeply, about people you have never met, about the mages still to come. We knew nothing would change if they could simply follow their lives ignoring us and you did what you saw fit. Not my personal course of action, but a course of action, regardless. And the proof of what I'm saying is Justice, how you could bond and change together without being corrupted. You're not a monster."

(OOC: *snorts* It's been quite a while since I read some of those books, and I never got into the tv show, so I did not put those two together. I should have, though...)

Anders buried his face in her shoulder, ignoring the fact he had to stoop to do so.

"I don't know how you all can see such things in us, and I don't know what we did to deserve any of it - something, surely, at some point, or none of this makes any sense at all."

He sniffled. "I'm plans-less, Neria. We have officially surpassed the extent of my plans, which were mostly just 'die heroically when the task is done,' I admit, so. If - if you really want me back, I'll - I'll come back." He pulled back and rubbed at his eyes. "You would like Hawke, and she and Fenris would give the best of your warriors a run for their money. And we've faced darkspawn before, all of us, so we wouldn't be completely useless to you."

"Oh, believe me, I see a lot of things most people wouldn't. Must be the elven eyes, I don't know." she grinned, poking his ribs "Now how did you end up with not only one, but two lovers, is something I can't understand. Unless they have a taste for stray cats, all skinny..." she poked his ribs again "fur all messed up." then, ruffled his feather pauldrons, holding back a laugh "If they're good as you say, perhaps they could train my men. I'm not asking them to take the Joining, so no Deep Roads for them, but Varel would be happy having more seasoned warriors around, I'm certain."

Edited Date: 2015-08-30 08:32 am (UTC)

"That is a surprisingly accurate summary of Hawke's taste in men, actually," he said with a snicker. "Although Fenris is not particularly fond of being compared to a cat, the analogy holds for him as well." He rubbed at his cheek. "Believe me, how I ended up getting to have both of them is still by and large a mystery to me as well. If the Maker gives a shit about me, maybe that's his way of showing it."

"Well, I'm glad for you. Most people never find love on their sorry lives. You found two. If the Maker is real, if he has this kind of power over our lives, then yes. This is probably his way of showing."

Neria smiled. "Good thing Hawke likes cats. Since Ser Pounce-A-Lot found his soulmate, we're never short of them at the Keep."

Anders brightened. "Did he really? Good for Pounce."

"I think Cosa is more of a dog person, but she's a bit of a sucker for strays of all sorts. And Martin, her Mabari, gets on well with most creatures."

He smiled warmly at the thought of Pounce well and happy, and the thought of introducing him to Cosa, and really, with no templars to deal with, the idea of returning to Vigil's Keep and the friends he'd made there was enough to make his heart ache. They would be safe there. Maker knew Cosa and Fenris deserved better than being on the run with him for the rest of their lives, even if they proclaimed they wanted nothing else for right now.

"You're sure about this, Neria? You're not just offering out of pity? You know we'll be all right either way. We'll take care of each other."

"Anders, you know me better than that, please. It's just... I miss having the people I like, the people I trust around. And you know how hard is for me letting people go... watching everyone go away after the Fifth Blight is something I won't forget." she kept her face straight, but there was a hint of humour there "And I'm getting older and sentimental as time passes by. Besides, I must embrace every aspect of a creature in order to shapeshift on it and I'm currently training to be a dragon, so I'll hoard people."

Anders gave a weak laugh at that.

"Why didn't you say so? You don't know how Hawke feels about dragons. If I tell her my old friend is learning to be one, she'll drag us all down to Vigil's Keep herself. And I expect she'll pester you until you figure it out and let her ride you valiantly forth into battle, or... something."

He ran his fingers through his hair and have Neria a watery smile.

"All right, sweetheart, I'll do what I can to get us all to the Keep. If we ever make it out of this place."

"The Inquisitor seems pretty confident about the Eluvian, so does Dagna. We won't be trapped here long."

She planted a soft kiss to his cheek

"Now, if you excuse me, I have a book to find. And Lyrium too."

"I hope you're right."

Anders offered a faint smile and gestured at the door for her to proceed ahead of him. He rubbed at the back of his neck and watched her go, getting that brooding expression back on his face as soon as her back was turned. But it was softer, now, less pained.

"Neria?" he called as she reached the door. "Thank you."

"You still have to wait 4 years to thank me for anything."

She raised her hand, waving without turning to see Anders, disappearing on the corner.

(ooc: So, this is it for this scene, I guess ^^ then we have the whole Meredith stuff and a convalescent Neria. But I'm all game for more scenes \o\)