fadewalk | RP: Logan Hawke, Anders (serhealsalot)

The hallways were quiet. The kitchens were quiet. Everything had just been strangely quiet for a while now. Alistair was in socked feet, loose linen pants and a soft unlaced shirt, standing over a small pot of porridge he was cooking... for himself? It was more porridge than even he could eat comfortably, especially considering it was porridge he was making, which no one could eat comfortably.

He rubbed at his forhead. Why did he feel like he was missing something? Well a bigger more something than usual anyway.

He'd have to ask... someone. When he saw... them? Zevran, his brain whispered. How many days has he been gone? He frowned, and looked out the small window slits that ventilated the room, and the question was gone already as he wondered for the thousandth time whether it was morning or night.

It was whatever time it was, but he'd woken up alone in his bed, with a headache from too much wine and his shoes on, feeling despondent. Lonely. Which was fairly usual, all things considered. He stirred again, frowning into the whitish-brownish-greyish paste. "Probably more water," he muttered.

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Logan took Anders' hand and gripped it hard. "I love you too," he whispered, all in a rush, scrubbing his other hand down his face. He was trembling, suddenly, could feel it in his hands on his face and on Anders' hand. He reached out and grasped Anders' shoulder and pulled him closer, burying his face in Anders' neck.

This was too much, all of this, the fast and heavy fall into each other over the last few days and hours. It was more than Logan could ever have imagined, infinitely more than he had even dared to hope for, and their circumstances were unique with how well they'd known each other before they'd actually met, but still - this need, this deep bottomless ache inside him pushing him to pour everything he had into loving Anders - it was vast and terrifying. Had it been there this whole time, and Logan had just convinced himself it didn't exist? He felt exposed and raw and still he wanted so badly.

Anders staggered a little as he and Logan came together, his arms moving around his ribs immediately, hugging him hard and tight like he was holding him up. "Shh, love, oh god, I'm sorry, Logan."

Logan shaking meant that Anders had pushed too far again. At least this time he'd ruined things, their happy apple picking excursion, like some kind of bucolic autumn date, when they weren't just coming down from orgasm. He could ruin things other than sex! Fantastic.

"Come here, sweetheart." He pulled Logan with him to sit on the bed, not letting go of him, trying to keep from tangling their feet so badly they fell. "I'm so sorry. That was bloody awful of me."

Logan sat heavily where Anders pulled him and had to resist the urge to crawl into his lap. Seriously, this was getting out of hand.

"Don't - don't do that," he said, softly, miserably. "That thing where you apologize like everything is always your fault." He curled closer and then gave in, tucking his long legs up on the bed and stretching them out to bracket Anders between his thighs. It wasn't quite sitting on him, which he figured Anders would appreciate eventually.

He reached up a hand to brush some hair behind Anders' ear. "Look, I shouldn't have pushed. I'm sorry. I just...god, I feel kind of unhinged. It's like the fact I've been holding back from giving any sign of how I felt about you all this time makes me desperate to do everything I can to prove it to you now. Like I want you to understand how very much I love you when I'm not even sure I understand it myself, because it's, it's..." He drove the heel of his hand into his chest, over his heart and rubbed, finishing in a whisper, "So big."

Anders kissed Logan, because he didn't know what to say that wasn't another apology, and he wanted him to stop hurting. He wasn't sure it would help, but it was the first thing that sprang to mind. He held Logan's face, long fingers framing his cheeks and kissed him, slow and deep and sweet. When he pulled back he nodded, eyes solemn. "I know. I know what you mean about how big."

He pressed his hand over Logan's heart, where he'd been rubbing, and murmured, "I've just never been loved by anybody who seemed bottomless before, Logan, and part of me assumes it's a put-on. You're too good to be true." He ducked his head, sighing down at the broad flat of Logan's chest.

Logan closed his eyes and sighed into the kiss, one hand sliding into Anders' hair. It was good, the feel of Anders' long fingers warm and steady on his face, the slow, loving brush of his lips. Maybe words weren't quite enough, not all that the time, for all the was between them - Logan certainly felt like a bumbling idiot, trying to explain to Anders what he felt, what he wanted, how much he cared.

When Anders ducked his head, Logan kissed the middle of his forehead, a little pained by the admission. But he felt the same way, didn't he? This was all too wildly impossible and wonderful to be true. "What we need," he murmured, wrapping an arm snugly around Anders' waist, "is time, probably. Time to...get used to this, to be able to believe it. And from where I'm sitting, love, we've got it, even if - well, this place makes that harder to believe."

Anders leaned into Logan, making a soft contented noise at the proximity. He rested his head on his shoulder and nodded. "Time." He paused thoughtfully, and then chuckled quietly.

"In real life we would have gone out on a date, gone to our own apartments, thought obsessively about how long was long enough to wait to call. Laughed like idiots when we both logged into the game and realized how dumb that was. But we'd have our lives, our jobs, school, whatever. Here it's only us, and that's... I wouldn't give being in your arms up for anything, but I think you're right. It's making everything more... Aaaaah."

He nuzzled into Logan's neck and sighed softly.

Logan chuckled in response to the highly accurate analysis of their reactions. He combed his fingers slowly through Anders' hair.

"Yeah...intense, is the word I would use. A good intense. But still." He sighed, and then laughed again. "Also, I miss my dog. I think this is about as long as we've been apart since I found him. It's kinda weird not to wake up with his nose in my face."

Anders nodded into Logan's shoulder and squeezed him gently. "Your mom and Carver will take care of him." He grunted softly. "I guess it's a good thing that I didn't get a cat like I'd been thinking about."

With a soft chuckle he added, "And missing not being woken up by cold dog nose is not normal, Logan."

Logan snorted. "I didn't say I missed that part!" he protested, though the wide grin on his face probably gave him away otherwise. He glanced away and mumbled, "He's very insistent in the mornings." Turning his head, he nuzzled his nose into the hair at Anders' temple. "You're a vast improvement as a bedfellow."

"I'm not sharing the bed with a dog," Anders grumbled though there was little conviction in it. He sighed softly, leaning into the nuzzling and ran his hands over Logan's shoulder, down his arm. "Especially not a giant dog with a wet nose he puts in your face during the ass crack of the morning." He grinned a little, and caught Logan's cheek to pull his face toward him for a soft kiss.

Logan snickered, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "He'll stay on the floor if he's told to," he said, unperturbed.

He covered the hand on his cheek with one of his own and bent a leg at the knee, curving it around Anders' backside and nudging him closer as he deepened the kiss, humming softly.

Anders was happy to be kissed by Logan, happy to scoot closer as the leg curled around him. He tilted his head, one hand resting on Logan's chest, the other curling on the side of his neck as they kissed. He answered the hum with a soft chuckle and gently nibbled on Logan's lip as he pulled just far enough away to smile at him, eyes full of warm gold light.

"You love the idea of waking up with me in your bed, don't you?" He was pretty amazingly enthralled with the idea himself, though they were still in the land of fantasy. He knew that with Logan's family situation it wasn't likely to be any time soon after they got home that he'd be staying overnight.

Logan arched a brow at him. "Maaybe," he said, trying for nonchalance but grinning foolishly. He lifted a hand and cupped Anders' cheek, eyes dropping to his lips and then back up to his eyes. "It has been wonderful," he admitted, tilting his head. "Well, this morning, anyways. I could...get used to it."

"Mmm." Anders tipped his face to kiss Logan's palm, eyes closing in contentment at the broad, calloused warmth pressed gently against his face. "Could definitely get used to lots of things."

He cracked one eye and then grinned a little. "You probably know how to make waffles from scratch because you're perfect, right?"

Logan laughed lightly, trailing his hand around to scritch lightly through the hair on Anders' nape, his thumb stroking over Anders' jaw, by his ear.

"I do know how to make waffles from scratch, yeah." He leaned forward to kiss the tip of Anders' nose. "Those a favorite, hmm?"

Anders arched his neck into the light scratching of Logan's fingers, humming like a soft purr in pleasure. He melted closer to Logan, leaning against his chest at a slightly awkward angle so that he could kiss his cheek. "What's wrong with waffles? You have something better?" He leaned back, quirkiness his eyebrows. "Which wouldn't surprise me since you're perfect. But waffles are delicious. Yes."

Logan tilted his chin towards Anders at the kiss, smiling. "The only thing better than waffles from scratch is sourdough waffles from scratch," he declared. "Fortunately for you..." He pulled Anders back and kissed him gently on the lips, then moved back to murmur, "I make those too."

"Logan, don't tease." Anders purred the words like they were talking about something entirely other than waffles. He leaned in to catch Logan in another kiss, deeper and lingering. He grinned as he drew back. "You can't just say things like sourdough waffles to a man who was served plain boiled burnt oats for breakfast."

Logan licked his lips and chuckled, the noise throaty. "Too late." He sounded smug.

He slid his hand down Anders' neck and over his shoulder to splay just below his collarbone, thumb toying with the ties on Anders' tunic. "How about..." he pressed his lips to the corner of Anders' jaw and then kissed down to his chin. "I make you something not burnt." He kissed his throat. "Later."

Anders lifted his chin so there was more of his throat for Logan to kiss, a light hum causing it to vibrate under his lips. "Later? How much later were you thinking, love?" His smile tinged his voice with humor, though it mostly held a breathless affection.

Logan laughed. "I was not...thinking...a specific timeline, darlin'," he murmured, between kisses. He pulled back and pecked Anders on the lips, his eyes bright and happy.

"I thought maybe you had designs." Anders followed the peck, catching Logan's mouth in a warm, lingering kiss. He gently nipped his lower lip as he pulled back, eyes studying Logan through his lashes.

Logan tilted his head and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, running his tongue over it. He reached out to touch Anders' cheek and ran his other hand down Anders' arm, taking his hand. "Do you want me to have designs?" His voice was warm, just this side of teasing, but there was a sincere look in his blue eyes.

Anders laughed softly and squeezed Logan's hand. "Always. I always want you to have designs, Logan." There was a playful lilt in his voice as he leaned closer. "For eventually, anyway. No pressure for now." He kissed him again, soft and sweet and gentle.

Logan hummed, tilting Anders' face under his palm and kissing him back just as gently. "All right..." he said softly, pulling back just enough to let go of Anders' hand and wrap both arms around his middle in a bear hug. He tugged Anders closer just slightly.

"In that case, we could make this the part where you tell me random facts about yourself, like what the cat you wanted to get would look like, or if you have annoying roommates, or...whatever." Logan smiled crookedly at him.