fadewalk | RP: Fenris (broodyfadewalk)

You're viewing

fadewalk
Create a Dreamwidth Account Learn More

Reload page in style: site light

With Fenris's arms around him, Anders slept deeply for some time, the nightmares held at bay for at least a while.

He had had nightmares as long as he could remember. The Joining had meant the occasional dream of possession or templars or dark places was interspersed with dreams of darkspawn and archdemons. And now there was Sebastian's face, twisted with grief, and the screams he imagined those who had died inside the Chantry had given to haunt him, and in his nightmares Hawke put a knife in his back as Fenris ripped his heart out from his chest. He just hadn't slept yet since the Chantry to see it.

Anders whined in his sleep, twitching in Fenris's arms and let out a whimpered, "please" joined by the occasional "don't." There were tears on his face, catching on his closed lashes and tracking down his cheeks.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He took Anders' hand, grip tight. "Not. Real."

Anders looked down wildly at the hand in his, and he twitched for a moment like he might throw it away from himself. Except the hand was lyrium-lined and it was holding his hand, not, not - he barely managed to wrench his thoughts away from that and looked up at Fenris's face. A face he loved, looking at him with concern.

He gasped, breathing shaky.

"Fen- Fenris?"

He glanced down, brows knitting into something like a scowl, but not. He was just...uncomfortable showing anything too soft, too vulnerable even as Fenris edged closer and cupped the back of Anders' neck with his other hand.

"It was not real," he said again. Then, "But I am."

Anders choked around the ragged edges of a sob and abruptly buried his face in Fenris's chest. He clung to Fenris's shoulders, shaking.

He fought not to freeze up, instead resting a hand between Anders' shoulder blades.

Anders was out of it, but not far gone enough to not notice the way Fenris tensed in his grasp. He was a cold, selfish bastard; he was weak, and cruel, and he should have been able to deal with the nightmares without freaking this Fenris out with the force of his need, but he found he couldn't bring himself to let go.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," he repeated, over and over again.

"I know," Fenris rumbled, voice a low husk, even as he gently--carefully--stroked Anders' back. It was getting easier and easier as the seconds ticked by, as if he were tapping into some long-lost memory of basic human comfort.

For a moment, he actually hummed a snatch of some tune low in the back of his throat, there and lost again.

It was the snatch of song as much as Fenris's strong hands so gentle over his back that soothed him. Anders gradually quieted and let go of Fenris's shoulders, his arms sliding down to wrap loosely around Fenris's waist instead. He curled, long torso folding so he could fit his head in under Fenris's chin.

This was...okay. This was all right. Fenris was here, and real, and not going to justly take his life for what he had done. He wasn't. Anders was safe.

"Sorry," he mumbled one last time, not quite sure if he was still apologizing for forcing Fenris to comfort him or for all his many sins.

"It is fine," Fenris said, arms reflexively tightening around Anders. Then he paused, frowning. "No," he added. "That is insufficient. I am...glad...I could help."

Anders nuzzled into him more, swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat.

"Fenris?" he murmured, after a moment.

"Yes?" he said, one hand cupping the back of Anders' skull.

Anders bit his lip before he said, "I would really like to kiss you now, if that's all right."

Fenris pulled back to study Anders' face, brows very slightly drawn together. Then, almost imperceptibly, he gave a faint nod.

Anders straightened, and even after the nod he hesitated a moment to give Fenris a chance to change his mind. Then one hand came up, long fingers curling under Fenris's chin, and he bent and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss, a simple, steady press of Anders' lips, lingering just slightly too long to be casual, but then Anders pulled back, slowly, and gave a flickering sort of smile.

Barely giving Anders time to draw away, Fenris pressed in to chase the kiss--kissing him back. His lips were soft against Anders', brushing slow and warm as he dragged his fingers into blond hair.

Anders let out a soft noise of surprise, almost a gasp, but responded eagerly, his hand moving to cup Fenris's cheek instead, his lips more sure, more insistent.

The kiss was still chaste, though only just, mouths brushing together over and over again, breaths hot and shared. He tugged almost-sharply on Anders' hair, changing the angle.

Anders groaned, tipping his head back to follow the tugging demand of Fenris's fingers, letting Fenris lead. He breathed through his nose, trying to lengthen the kiss, draw it out.

Finally Fenris broke the kiss, resting their foreheads together for a moment. It was strange how something could be getting to become familiar and yet still be exhilarating at the same time.

Anders took a moment to breathe, his eyes closing, and then he pulled back just enough to look Fenris in the eye.

"Okay?" He brushed his thumb along the line of Fenris's cheekbone, warm brown eyes solicitous, concerned.

"I-- Yes." He caught Anders' wrist, though, grip tight but gentle at the same time. Fenris cleared his throat, then turned his face and very carefully kissed the inside of Anders' wrist.

Anders went very still and then inhaled sharply when Fenris's lips touched the sensitive silk-smooth skin of his inner wrist.

He grinned at him, giddy, reached to sweep Fenris's fringe back from his eyes with his other hand.

"Maker, Fenris, you're so - you're-" His eyes softened. Lovely. Sweet. Wonderful. He wanted to call him all of those things and more, but he didn't want to scare him, so he simply stopped and smiled warmly at him instead.