Private Entry

[thecryoftheseagulls]

This is madness, all of it. This place, and these people, and Justice in my head yearning for the Fade like he hasn't done in years, ever since that Marian Hawke mentioned an ability to enter the Fade physically. I should be overjoyed for him, that he might finally be free, that my death won't mean his too, when it comes. Whenever it comes.

It terrifies me. He's been this constant presence in my head for so long; I don't know what I would do without him. I'm not the same man I was before we joined.

If Cosa and Fenris were here I think I could bear it - I can bear anything if they are with me, even the loss of half my soul. But they're not; instead there's a gentler Hawke with the wrong hair, and apparently another Hawke who is a man? And then Fenris. Maker. I think I'm putting off meeting this version of Fenris. I don't know if I can stand going back to that - what we were before, the animosity and the hurled insults and the anger. I don't know if I can see him without... at least the Hawkes aren't much like Hawke. That helps, if you can call it helping.

Argh. Everything is fucking terrible. The end. At least Neria is here; that's something. It's been too long.